O

Man surfs a 90ft wave

2012-01-30T16:18:00.001+05:30

American surfs a 90 ft wave in Portugal. Possibly the largest wave ever surfed!

http://youtu.be/dyBzYCEyUlE

Happy Surfing!

-NEETS

What a movement needs

2012-01-20T00:07:00.000+05:30

NOTE: I have used the word

OPPONENT = Govt and their opposition (Since we do notvalue the support of any political party or politician)

Education:

1) Educationabout the Movement: This is my observation – some of us who support thismovement don’t really know how our demands have changed with the time andcircumstances. We need a visual, simple to understand, chronological record ofevents. I am sure we can find skills that can do this amongst our supportersaround the country.

2) Educatethe vote-bank: We must have imagined some politician say this, “I can’t careabout you and this movement, if it fails to move my vote bank away from me”.And I think some politician must have had the nerve to say this out loud bynow. But we should remember to thank him for reminding us what really mattersto our opponents. Understanding the people on the other end is an essentialclue to how we can win this war against corruption.

3) Educationabout Civil Disobedience and Non-violence: We are lucky to be here in thismoment in world history. I don’t know of a time in world history where so manypeople from different countries, of different cultures have employed CivilDisobedience in their own ways to demand or bring about change in their owncommunities ( country/states/city/villages,etc ), big and small (Arab Spring,Budrus ). We have living examples to observe and learn, evaluate, tweak andimplement. Brainstorm on new ways and methods. We have to re-educate and constantlyremind ourselves of what Non-Violence and Civil Disobedience is and literallypractice it. I have heard that in the Black Civil Rights led by Martin LutherKing, people would get together to enact how they would have to reactnon-violently in preparation for the Montgomery Bus Boycott. You would benudged, pushed, shoved to the back of the bus, but you should resist the needto react violently and refused to stay in the back of the bus. This might sounddrastic, but these values have to be repeated so many times to be engrained inour psyche. Almost like a sermon.

Re-evaluation/Review: Let us look back in to the pastfew months, pick a date from which we think the movement had gatheredsignificant momentum. Systematically review and objectively re-evaluate allthe events, our conduct, our demands, the consequences and the counter offers.If we have lost steam/sense of direction, we have made a major fundamentalmistake somewhere in this orchestration. We did not lack in intent. We did notlack in enthusiasm. We did not fail in drawing attention. It is possible welacked in our assessment of our opponent’s (Govt and their opposition) nextpossible moves. If we have got someone to compare the proposed bill to a “noosearound our necks” in full view of the media, we definitely did a whole lot ofthings right. But, knowing where we could have done better can help us inreally doing better as we move ahead – irrespective of what direction we decideto move in.

It will not be a bad idea to spend some effort to consultpeople like Arun Gandhi (http://gandhiinstitute.org/)- I recently heard his interview on an American Radio Show and when questionedabout what he thought of the movement here. I felt his answers wouldperhaps give us a few pointers to finding out what the flaws were. We couldbenefit from an outsider’s view to this – don’t know who these people could be- Mark Rudd(may be), if they are willing to observe this movement as a case study.[In the hope, the future generations will not just have events to study frombut a scientific analysis of these different cases of non-violent protests. Itwill not just encourage Non-Violent means of protests but also createambassadors. ]

Strategy: In doing the last two, we would have gainedclarity and a heightened awareness that would help us chart out strategies,fully taking advantage of cards we are dealt with, the time and the needs ofour opponents at the time. We have to brainstorm and explore other means ofgarnering attention and newer forms Non-Violent Civil Disobedience. We have tolook beyond candle light marches and fasts. Think of innovative means. Theother thing I feel we should do, is run separate and distinct strategies inparallel. There is another big odd against this movement – the complacentIndian attitude – there has to be a number of initiatives that should focus onattempting to change it, without seeming very obvious.

Collaborate: It is a good idea to have collaborative projectswith other local causes. Come up with innovative ideas – it gets both causesattention and both can benefit from the synergy.

Mathematics: The war against corruption is one ofnumbers. There are people for corruption, then there are the ones against itand then there are the people who can’t take a side or don’t wish to take aside for whatever reasons. We apart from focussing on the immediate need toensure the bill in its current form is not passed, have to also have smallerfocus groups/think-tanks that will channelize efforts in educating people totake a side – we don’t tell them which side to take, but instead make themunderstand why this is their business.

Then the other mathematical aspect of this war, is that thisproblem is so huge that we find it difficult to simplify its understanding tothe level that the less-fortunate, uneducated, disconnected people would beable to understand it. Break it down to the level that the people who add up tomake the vote-bank will understand why this should matter to them. Best donediagrammatically. I have an idea in my head, but I need the help of acartoonist or an artist to help translate it into paper.

Common conduct and Value system: The movement had tosuffer a few setbacks because of a lack of common code of conduct. There shouldbe a common agreed understanding of the values we stand for. Remember, the verystand against corruption, though we are focussing on how money is siphoned offfrom the system and people are swindled, is actually one that is rooted in ourvalues and ethics. If we can’t set that right in us, how will we be able toconfidently stand up against such evil.

Flat Leadership: This is so important, that I wouldhave mentioned it first. This is how I felt seeing the growth of this movement– proud, hopeful, confident, enthusiastic. But there was this one feeling thatI am still not able to put to rest. If it isn’t for Anna, if isn’t forArvind... if it isn’t for XYZ... this movement will lose steam and cease toexist. Meaning that this movement will breath, literally, as long as thesepeople breath. This is a failure in the making. Along with reminding peoplethat this issue is closer to their home that they think it is, we should alsoembed a sense of ownership in them. We all share the same idea, but we have gottogether to collaborate and co-operate towards a common goal. I am asresponsible for making this work as much as you are. Just as I may learn a fewthings from you, so will you from me. What we need are not a flock of sheepthat obediently follow a shepherd, but a colony of ants with their ownindividual skills coming together to become a single minded strong being.

Ladies and GM, only for you to drool

2012-01-04T11:44:00.000+05:30

It might or might not match up to your expectations of an ‘exquisite’ machine.

Recently a colleague expressed his wish to have a ‘BMW 7 series’.

But whats interesting to think about is ... what do people like us have to do to buy such pieces of engineering? What do you think, you need to do or change in order to be in a position to acquire these?

I usually get to notice these in the night... God knows why... but today morning I saw it and even better, got to stop at the signal close to these people so I had the opportunity to ask the question thats always been on my mind whenever I see such magnificent pairing of man and machine... here is the short conversation for your delight

I: Excuse me. What do you do?

Pillion lady: (Smiles) Its imported

I: No... What do you do?

Pillion Lady: (Smiles) Oh! Its a long procedure!

I: No... As in, WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING? [Thinkin: God! Do I have to spell it out to you?!!]

I got the rider and the pillion lady cracking, a little awkward wondering ... now how do we answer that?!! Lets continue laughing.

Thankfully signal turns green while they are still cracking, I tell them .. nice piece of machine... and we drive off.

Tell me ... what is your dream machine and what do you think you have to do to get it? Dont give me become a polition / underworld don

Woman waiting for her machine,

NEETS

Wish you a fabulous New Year!!!

2012-01-01T01:41:00.000+05:30

Another wonderful 365 days and each day is a treasure trove of wonderful opportunities.

Embark on new journeys.

Find new words to share about them.

Put plans into actions.

Push limits.

Enjoy.

Love.

Holstee Manifesto

Regards,

Nita Arvind

'What do you want of me, Lokpal?!'

2011-12-28T12:34:00.001+05:30

Some of us believe we can initiate a change and some of us believe that no matter what we do, this country isn’t going to change. Though clearly, both these stands seem to be diametrical opposites, they have something in common … both stands DO NOT DENY THE NEED FOR CHANGE. So in other words, it looks like, that though we all BELIEVE things need to change, but we might not BELIEVE our collective efforts might be powerful enough to initiate or sustain a change.

“This movement believes in making a change. “ - Nope, this movement is only a stage , a platform to EXPRESS THE NEED FOR CHANGE. Remember that no matter whether we believe this will bring about change or not, we all DO NOT DENY THE NEED FOR IT. In effect, ‘making a change’ is a consequence the movement is working towards – we might succeed or fail in doing so. All that this movement asks of us, is to EXPRESS our belief that change is necessary. Let us not judge the consequence without putting some effort towards expressing ourselves.

Any stage/platform needs audience and performers… this movement has set the stage, it has a well-defined audience - the politicians and bureaucrats, now it’s left to us, the performers, the citizens of this country to stand together and use this stage to express our beliefs about ‘change’ despite our disagreements on the ‘consequence’. Remember, the last few months are witness that the audience is paying attention. It has brought them to bringing about a change that they have been putting off for almost half a century.

Passing of a bill only acknowledges the fact that we have been heard, but does it mean that the audience has been listening? Only the contents of the bill can confirm that. Go through the details of the Lokpal Bill the government is proposing to pass, make your own opinion of its effectiveness and inadequacies. Decide for yourself if what the government is offering can result in sustainable change. Are you satisfied with their offering?

If you feel its not good enough, go ahead and let the decision makers know we want sustainable change. And a strong law, devoid of accommodations and loop holes is the only true path towards sustainable change.

Walk tonight

2011-11-27T00:33:00.001+05:30

Today had been to meet a friend over dinner. When it was time to get into my car and head home at 1030 I felt this familiar wish resurface ... a wish to take a walk in the night, alone. Wide empty roads in a residential area, wet from the drizzles, gentle breeze rustling the leaves... a full moon would have made it perfect. I so wanted to do it, I took my phone and keys (including one with a tiny blade) put them in the pocket and stood outside the car looking at the road, wide and mostly empty. Then the same old familiar voice spoke. " crazy?!  10:30. Alone. Get in! " Stood facing the door, hesitant, key in hand. Voice spoke, "Now! ". Just as always, I obeyed. Again. Opened the car and sat for a few minutes with my legs dangling out, dipped in the breeze, feeling it against my skin, listening to the rustling, the laughters coming from the restaurant behind me... the voice interrupts, "Enough." I sigh. Lock myself safely in the car, strap myself safely to it and drove away. Drove away, again.

LYRICS: Games People play - by Alan Parsons Project

2011-10-19T13:16:00.001+05:30

A very unusual subject for a song. Depressingly real. But this doesn’t need to be the way life has to turn out. We might have to plan for that time, strengthen ourselves, adapt and adopt new interests that will accommodate our limitations. Companionship might take the centre stage in that phase. There is no age to broaden our intellect and horizons, we still will be growing up and we still will be learning, till the end.

-NEETS

Games People play - by Alan Parsons Project

Where do we go from here now that all other children are growin' up
And how do we spend our lives if there's noone to lend us a hand

I don't wanna live here no more, i don't wanna stay
Ain't gonna spend the rest of my life, quietly fading away

Games people play, you take it or you leave it
Things that they say, honor brite
If i promise you the moon and the stars, would you believe it
Games people play in the middle of the night

Where do we go from here now that all of the children have grown up
And how do we spend our lives knowin' nobody gives us a damn

I don't wanna live here no more, i don't wanna stay
Ain't gonna spend the rest of my life, quietly fading away

Games people play, you take it or you leave it
Things that they say, just don't make it right
If i'm telling you the truth right now, do you believe it
Games people play in the middle of the night

Games people play, you take it or you leave it
Things that they say, honor brite
If i promise you the moon and the stars, would you believe it
Games people play in the middle of the night

Games people play, you take it or you leave it
Things that they say, just don't make it right
If i'm telling you the truth right now, do you believe it
Games people play in the middle of the night

Aaromale - my beloved! Lyrics Translation

2011-10-10T15:11:00.000+05:30

Aaromale – means Beloved in my mother-tongue, Malayalam.

The song under discussion is ‘Aaromale’ from the Tamil movie“Vinnaithaandi Varuvaayaa”. A Malayalamsong in a Tamil movie - Interesting! You should watch the movie. It is perhapsone of the best romantic movies I have seen. I rarely ever like one. For years my brother and I have discussed the failed attempts to westernize commercial music in Malayalam. I actually had come to theconclusion that it perhaps might have something to do with the language’scapacity to adapt to new sounds. All attempts that we had heard till recently,tried too hard that it would sound over the edge or sound like a skewedinterpretation of Western music by someone who didn’t believe in it. My brotherand I gave such music in our mother-tongue a name – “Wannabe Music”. They trytoo hard but, not just fail miserably but can sound sadly tacky. I had heard ofa lot of promising individual artists who proved to me that my language had noconstraints like I had believed it to have. But will someone come up with asuccessful commercial proof? This, my dears, is that song. I have no doubt thatthere will be more new sounds to hear in my mother-tongue.

I loved this song ever since I heard it the first time andthat was when I watched the movie. At times, it gives me goose bumps. The rockversion I mean! ( Some of you might be just thinking the way I was till today,“What?! There was another version?!!!” Yep there is a female humming version ).My brother and I would rock to it, sing it in the car. Like any song, it’s funto sing it with people who enjoy it, no matter how out of tune it might soundto the rest of the world. Ok, back to the point.

Listen to them here.

Alphonse is a great music director, but I did not know thathe could sing with such soul. The feel of both the versions are so diverse.Alphonse’s version has got a haunting feel to it, you can feel the yearning ofan insatiable soul, demanding or may be begging answers from his beloved, whilein Shreya’s version, she romantically playfully teases the beloved. Alphonse’sversion starts slow, with a country string work, and then it slowly andsteadily picks up momentum both in tempo and expression ... sounding like, rockmusic riding on the back of Hindustani. Shreya’s version speaks to you usingonly one word, ‘Aromale’, but sensually toysaround with Carnatic music to perfection and reaches out to the beloved in you,... gently holds your hand and tugs you, teases you, beckons you ... drawing you, her beloved's attention back to where it belongs.

Any way this post was long pending. I wanted to share thetranslation for the haunting rock version of this song and this is the best Icould find online : http://wersp.blogspot.com/2010/01/aaromale-lyrics-with-translation.html(special thanks to Wersp), I have taken the liberty to make a few changes tothe translation though. Oh, before you get to the translation, the song wascomposed, lyrics was written and the song was sung ... all in 4 hours. Wersp,once again thank you for the translation!

Vocal: Alphonse

Mamalayeri Varum Thennal
(The breeze comes, riding the mountains.)
Puthu Manavalan Thennal, ...
( The breeze, the bridegroom,... )
Palli Medayae Thottu Thalodi Kurushil Thozhuthu Varumbol,
arrives after praying at the alter,
Varavelpinu MalayalaKara Manasammatham Choriyum,
And Kerala welcomes him by showering him, with her consent.

Aaromalae, Aaromalae, Aaromalae, Aaromalae....
(O Beloved....O Beloved...O Beloved.....O Beloved...)

Swasthi Swasthi Su Muhurtham,
(On this auspicious occasion ... )
Sumungali Bhava, Manavatti
(O Bride, may you be blessed with a long wedded life)
Swasthi Swasthi Su Muhurtham,
(On this auspicious occasion ...)
Sumungali Bhava Manavatti
(O Bride..,May you be blessed with a long wedded life)

Shyama Rathri Than Aramanayil,
( In the inner sanctum of the dark night )
Mari Nilkayo Tharakame,
(O Star..why are you keeping away ? )
Pulari Manjillae Kathiroliyay,
(Like a ray of light in the morning mist,)
Akalae Nilkayo Penmaname,
( Are you standing afar, my lady ? )

Chanju Nilkuma Chillayil Nee, Chila Chilambiyo Poonkuyilae
(Perched on the bent bough, O cuckoo, did you sing sweetly ? )
Manchiragile, Marayoliyae Thediyathiyo Poorangal
(Did the festivities come in search of the everlasting flame inthe earthern lamp ?)

Swasthi Swasthi Su Muhurtham,
(On this auspicious occasion ... )
Sumungali Bhava, Manavatti
(O Bride, may you be blessed with a long wedded life)

Aaromalae... Aaromalae....
(O Beloved....O Beloved....)

Kadalinae, Karayodiniyum Padan Sneham Undo ?
(Does the sea still possess the love to serenade the shore?)
Mezhukuthurikalayi Urukan Iniyum Pranayam Manasil Undo ?
(Do we still have love, enough to melt away like a candle?)

Aaromalae.. Aaromalaeee.. Aaromalaee
(O Beloved....O Beloved...O Beloved.....O Beloved...)
Aaromalae.. Ohh.. Ho ! - (O Beloved....)

Truli Rndm Joy

2011-10-03T19:42:00.001+05:30

I hate forgetting passwords. I hate having to click ‘Forgot password’...a symbol of me admitting defeat.

Most password generators produce a random senseless mix of alphabets and numbers, but there is this one place where the first half are alphabets and the second half are numbers. One of the times I forgot my password here, the password I got started with ‘chrmd’. I was ‘chrmd’ and it remained my favourite password till I forgot the second half. I love forgetting my password here, it feels like hitting a slot machine. You just wait and see what your password will turn out to be. If I am not impressed with the password I hit it till I get something that makes me happy. And I did get something that made me happy – the first half of the password reads ‘aNut’.

Sufi Poetry and translation.

2011-09-30T17:28:00.001+05:30

The new MTV Unplugged ads are driving me mad. They are playing ‘Bullah Ki Jaana Mein Kaun’... a song I love love love. And its stuck in my head. So, I gave in today and have been playing the song again and again and again. I wanted to sing along... went lookin for the lyrics and stumbled upon this beeeautiful blog. For those of you have some interest in poetry, you will love this place too. http://sufipoetry.wordpress.com/

I am watching out for ‘The Dewarists’ too. The ads look too interesting. http://thedewarists.com/

To all my friends who are Married or about to be or are hoping to.

2011-09-28T18:02:00.001+05:30

I read this article and found it to be nice. May be you might like it too: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Secrets-to-a-Happy-Relationship-What-Makes-a-Relationship-Work

And the married ones are welcome to share what they think about this article.

-NEETS

Boys deserve life saving surgeries than girls do(!!!)

2011-09-28T00:21:00.000+05:30

I had read this article last week:
http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-09-22/india/30189083_1_heart-surgery-girls-congenital-heart

About how families wouldn't wait too long to have their boys go thru a life saving operation.... That when it comes to girls a lot of things come in the way - What will people say, what will we do about the scar, her 'marketability' as a bride.

I had never thought people would think this way, it never crossed my mind, up till about a month ago. When a very close friend of mine fell ill and needed an operation. No, I did not see this kind of thinking coming from her family, but in fact, it came from one of our friends. (!!!! I know). He said this not once, but twice. The second time was when it was clear that she just had to have the operation immediately and that too a key-hole on the abdomen mostly. That contrast... that despite a clear understanding of the dire need for this operation, the thought still remained his head, " If it was possible it would have been very good if they could avoid this operation and tried some non-invasive way. She is an unmarried girl. Marks might cause a problem." The second time, I lost my mind over the mindlessness of the logic and retorted, "Its mark vs. her life. You just need money and plastic surgery to cover that mark up!". His intent was clearly not to stop the operation, but that thought.. that a woman or her family would have to think twice about what the guy she chooses to live with for the rest of her life has to say or think of a post-operation scar ... a scar she might have needed to be alive to meet him in the future... seems so ... I am not getting the word!

So this line of thought isn't very remote as I would have imagined.

My 5-min GoGreen speech

2011-09-21T00:39:00.001+05:30

My friend is in the HR dept at my office. She had wanted tomake some Go Green clips to encourage people in our office to participate inthe tree planting event. So she came in the afternoon and asked if we would like to help heron the project sometime in the evening. Typical of me... I said yes and again typical of me, I had got lost in work and forgotten about it.

Come evening and my friend pings me to inform that shes coming down to our floor and I realise... oops I forgot. So she comes down with a colleague-turned-camera man and starts rounding up people for the clips. So now I had to come up with something ... and Maatha did... in some 5 minutes... here it is:

Do you believe in the genius in your child?

Do you have faith in his/her talent?

So invest in your child's future.

Plant a tree.

Remember if it there were no apple trees

There would be no apple to bring out the genius in Newton

You never know which tree can do that for your child

Why take the risk? Make an investment for your little one's tomorrow

Plant A TREE

Felt a little nervous... but was fun. Reminded me of college days.

Interesting Wedding invitation

2011-09-13T13:59:00.001+05:30

For my friends who are on the road to getting married, here is a link to some wedding photographers and an interesting wedding invitation you might want to take some inspiration from.

For those of us who are not in the process of getting married... just enjoy this couple’s Invitation.

http://cuspconcepts.com/2011/shruthi-and-babu/

SOME MORE:

Everyone,

Here is friend of mine who responded with another interesting invite.

Check it out!

Thanks Vivek!

-NEETS

From: Vivek
Sent: Tuesday, September 13, 2011 6:12 PM
To: Vallyeadath, Nita A
Subject: Re: Interesting Wedding invitation

Here is an interesting wedding invite of my ex-colleague - http://www.gopal -seema.com

Thanks for the share matha :)

TWO WOLVES

2011-09-07T11:19:00.002+05:30

A story a friend sent.

Which one will you feed more today?

-NEETS

TWO WOLVES

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.

"One is Evil - It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

"The other is Good - It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

'Everyday' Lyrics

2011-09-05T13:56:00.001+05:30

Had heard this on an episode of ‘Bones’.

We all have been in this position before ... sometime in our lives.

-NEETS

Toby Lightman - Everyday Lyrics Album: Little Things

Every day is a struggle
Between what I want to say and what I want to keep to myself
And the words that manage to leave my lips
Don't hurt me, but they hurt everyone else

So I find myself in need of a part
I'm not sure why, but I think that it's because
Of this desire to be what others want me to be
Which is nothing close to me

But I'll see better when the smoke clears
The smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming doesn't repeat everything I've said
And all that remains me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens every day ... yeah...

Every day is a battle
Between what I want to know and what I don't want to figure out
And everything in between in these thoughts of mine that you know I can't live with out

So I find myself in need of a part
I'm not sure why, but I think that it's because
Of this desire to be what others want me to be
Which is nothing close to me

But I'll see better when the smoke clears
The smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming doesn't repeat everything I've said
All that remains me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens every day ... yeah... oooh...

But I'll see better when the smoke clears
The smoke clears inside my head
And I can listen when the screaming doesn't repeat everything I've said
All that remains me and who I am at the end of the day
And this happens every day ... this happens every day
This happens every day... yeah...

Your fav alco bev under the microscope

2011-09-01T16:24:00.002+05:30

Even a teetotaller will find it pretty!

http://www.insanetwist.com/2011/08/microscopic-images-of-alcoholic-drinks.html

-NEETS

Harrisburg Reports - The sons of Italy

2011-08-19T19:10:00.001+05:30

I was in Cantones, a Italian restaurant, yesterday with some friends for dinner. And there was this beautiful, may be 3-3.5 ft wide black and white picture of a gorgeous lady walking down a street in Italy, lined up with men on either sides. May be the mood in the restaurant created by a bunch of vibrant old men was a direct reflection of the feel in the picture... or may be its just that the picture was so simply beautiful, we couldn’t take our eyes of it. I loved it so much that I took a picture of it in my cell phone and we all had some fun discussing the expressions in the picture.

Cut to today morning, we come into work and the friend who took us to Cantones reads this piece online ... http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/american-girl-italy-60-years-later-221005987.html

It happens to be the 60^th anniversary of this pic. The article is interesting. You get to see how gracefully that pretty woman in that picture has aged. And when you imagine what these both women (subject and photographer) did that day, 60 years ago, we can understand why the men reacted the way they did. It is possible this was a shot from the second walk. Don’t you think? Or its just Italian men – they would give you that kind of reception no matter how many times you walked that road. Their expression is what makes her the star in the pic. Without them, her grace and beauty wouldn’t have shone through the way it did.

It’s interesting how these two women made this iconic picture. Who would have expected it would turn out like this!

To see more of Ruth Orkins work: http://www.orkinphoto.com/photographs/

Day 3/30

2011-04-08T12:18:00.000+05:30

11:04 am

Had been to the Freedom Park(Bangalore) to show my support for the ‘India Against Corruption’ movement. This is in favour of getting the Lokpal bill passed. Was there at 8:30 am, for about an hour. Plan on going there everyday till the bill is passed.

Day 2/30

2011-04-08T01:16:00.001+05:30

its past midnight. So technically its day 3/30. I will be going to the freedom park to support the India Against Corruption movement.
I have lots to say on this topic, but I need to wake up early to go there. Plan to be there for an hour or so before getting to work.
I will share the experiance in the next write up.

30 Day Journal Starts. Day1/30

2011-04-07T00:57:00.000+05:30

1:15 pm

So far so good. Peaceful morning. Just happy that it was just that.

3:10 pm

My friend lost her aunt yest. Though I had never met her and her family, it feels like I had known her. In recent she was in a lot of pain thinking about her daughter. Lately she had been discovering things about her daughter … or she wanted to do something about what she already knew but was in denial for all these years.

Lets call this aunty’s daughter Prathibha. My friend Shilpi happens to be Prathibha’s cousin from her paternal side. Though Prathibha has an elder brother, she always would find comfort in connecting with Shilpi. And Shilpi being an only child always loved having a little sis.

Last year Shilpi was all worried about Prathibha. Prathibha, an outstanding student, had just lost her father the previous year and could not appear for her engineering exams because of a migraine attack and therefore lost a year of college. To top it there were a host of other problems. She had just discovered that her boyfriend was lying to her about everything he was, including his name. She was not getting along with her brother – he used to say some nasty things to her(my friend has been witness to this). The poor girl understandably was under a lot of pressure. My friend was beginning to worry if Prathibha would buckle. We discussed various options and thought it was better if she could visit a councelor. And so, Prathibha started seeing the councelor. Lets call her Triveni.

Triveni helped Prathibha a lot. She even helped her get a job at an NGO till it was time for her to get back to college, hoping this will keep her mind off all the pain. Then her brother’s wedding was arranged. She couldn’t get along with the would-be-sis-in-law. A few weeks before his wedding could take place, aunty fell ill. She was always asthmatic, but this was a bad asthmatic attack.

Unfortunate for aunty, this was to be only the beginning of a series of hospital visits to mend her failing lungs. In the midst of these visits, she saw her son’s wedding, the rift between her daughter and son increase, rapport between her daughter and daughter in law going from terrible to manageable, her daughter-in-law getting pregnant, her son amass a massive debt of Rs.1,500,000 because of these hospital visits, Prathibha got back in college. The last time she was in the hospital she had prayed that if she ever was to come back to the hospital, she didn’t want to go back home. And sadly this time she had her way.

This is a bitter truth that we all will come to bear, that just like us, our parents are not here for too long. What makes her story particularly sad, are the discoveries she made between her last two hospital visits.

A couple of months ago Prathibha came home to tell her brother that she didn’t know that she couldn’t join an academic year mid way. So, now she needs to pay her annual fee(50,000) again and join from the start. Shilpi was devastated at why God would be so mean to her lil sis. When she shared this, it somehow didn’t add up. Her brother said, he would pay but he would need some time to arrange the money. She said that was fine for her, but he needed to go to her college and talk to her principal. Her brother took the day off but for some reason could not go to her college that day. When she came back all hell broke loose. He was blamed for not caring enough, that she is dependent on him so he has taken her for granted, she wanted her share of the property, she insulted him for never knowing about how it was cos he never studied to be an engineer. Now, this is a terrible thing for a mother to hear. Her brother tried explaining and then went and locked himself up in a room. Aunty tried to console her daughter who swore to not eat, that she need not think that the food was comin from his money. Aunty tried explaining to her to take it that both she and her daughter were using her late husband’s pension.

From the way she was behaving, aunty got worried and asked Shilpi at 11 in the night to come over and stay to diffuse the situation. Both aunty and the sis-in-law were worried Prathibha might do something to her self and hid all the knives and scissors in the house. Now we had thought that it was the hasty impatient mind of a young girl that caused all the problem. Her brother needed a chance to explain himself. But this was the night Shilpi would start to suspect that her sister was more than just what meets the eye. She learnt with that stay that her sister would not miss an opportunity to make sure that Sands and her mother or Sis in law talk. She even tried talking to them after it had seemed that Prathibha was asleep… but there Prathibha would be, shouting that people were talking behind her back.

(Think my journal is turning into a story. Rest tomorrow)

In the Rearview

2011-01-02T02:22:00.000+05:30

*Sigh*
Doesn't feel that long now.

Was in denial about my abilities to take care of everyone and everything.
Was under the impression that I will learn to deal with it.
Was on the search for a solution.
Was determined to get it.
Was told that there is not solution.
Was in dispair.
Was lost
Was brought to understand that that is my solution, my answer

The lack of an answer was my answer. It took time, but it set me free.

I feel interested in my life once again.

I now can put to rest a nagging issue I had for years.

From existance to living.

Welcome dear. Life has been waiting :)

Shyamoly...

2010-05-21T01:26:00.004+05:30

Your jacket is still in your cabin. I am left feeling that you will be coming to get it. I still feel like theres chances we meet in the ladies rest room brushin our teeth. I am looking forward to checking those nice, witty gtalk status lines. I am waiting to hear how the last chemo went. You needed more updates on how i am doing with my crazy problem. Theres a lot more movies in my hard disk that we need to exchange. I still have to see birdemic with my friends and tell you how it went. Dont you want to comment on my forwards? We are all waiting to see your hair grow back thicker and better. My rafting experience was just as great as you said it would be. The pictures are out, I'll ping you the links.

Thought i had enough time to understand that you cant do any of these. But im surprised at how long its taking. We weren't friends ... were we?... woudl ppl who ping each other on the communicator and gtalk more often than call, qualify for friends? I think i had called you only thrice. I am caught feeling confused when i tell my friends that I lost a... a friend or a colleague? This has been plaguing me ever since you have been gone. I let my heart out and cried for sometime on that day. And shed a few involuntary tears hear and there everyother time you came into my mind. I didnt cry enough for a friend did I?
So you have gone off on a nice long vacation without telling anyone... oh you are doing some back packing are you? Nice. So how long will you be gone? Donno... hmmm. As long as you enjoy the journey eating a lot of bong sweets along the way how does it matter. Yeah i understand, it will be difficult to update your gtalk and facebook statuses esp when your travelling.
This is what i want to think of your disappearing act.
I am honoured for having knowing a practical wise witty strong compassionate woman whos life-savings was a huge group of friends who stood with her through thick and thin in every literal sense. I wish i could be that good.
May I live with the spirit you had.

NITA EATS OUT @ Oh! Calcutta, St.Marks Rd.

2010-05-09T01:41:00.007+05:30

Vegetarian+Non-vegetarian
Bengali

RATING:
@ THE RESTAURANT
Taste: 3.5/5
Price: 3/5 - 350-450 per head

Service: 4/5

Ambience: 4/5

HOME DELIVERY
Available but haven't tried.

COMMENTS: First thing that stood out was the extra nice waiters - very polite, pleasing, very welcoming. However I should tell you that my mom and I have been super thirtsty ever since we got back from there. Just to set expectations right, the briyani has a strong taste of rose water - not that its bad, but for those of us who are looking for something spicy and hot, this wont be it but it is an interesting taste. The Paturi we tried was great and we liked the koraishutir dhokar dalna a lot.

PICTURES:
ADDRESS: 15&16, House Of Lords, St. Marks Road, Bangalore-560001
PHONE: 22277722

Vernacular Architecture

2010-05-05T12:54:00.001+05:30

As per Wiki :

“Vernacular architecture is a term used to categorise methods of construction which use locally available resources and traditions to address local needs. Vernacular architecture tends to evolve over time to reflect the environmental, cultural and historical context in which it exists. It has often been dismissed as crude and unrefined, but also has proponents who highlight its importance in current design.”

I learnt this word about 2-3 yrs ago when I went to the Interiors Exhibition (an exhibition for interior deco, furnitures, etc.). Right outside the hanger was a stall put up by the Center for Vernacular Architecture. A lovely man and his wife and their beautiful daughter showed us some of the designs and explain the concept of Vernacular architecture. I liked what they showed.

The heat that we experience in our Garden City now a days suddenly reminded me of my grandparents old home and then these guys. So I looked them up and found a nice site. Some of the houses are very beautiful. When I do build a house I would like to use some Vernacular Architecture in it.

Perhaps we will start appreciating our old ways.

http://www.vernarch.com/projects.htm#residences

Alma Mater

2010-05-04T19:31:00.000+05:30

I had been to the Technical Museum, here in Bangalore recently. I enjoyed being there. When we went to the canteen which is on the terrace, I spotted a building on the opposite side with a big sign board that read ‘Alma Mater’. My brother, our nieces and I tried hard to read the rest of the board, but didn’t find anything that gave an idea of what it was all about.

Well here it is. Quite interestingly, its an organization that helps people to discover and maximize their potential.

http://www.almamater.com/home.htm

I particularly like some of the things I found on this page http://www.almamater.com/values.htm

Black Tea + Lemon = Orangish-Brown coloured Tea. WHY?

2010-04-24T01:30:00.005+05:30

Those of us who enjoy lemon tea, might have already observed this and if not, you can try it out today. Make black tea and squeeze in some lemon and observe how the color changes.

This phenomenon is called Bathochromic Shift – which is the change in the ability of a liquid to absorb light of longer wavelengths(red light) caused by the substitution or changes in the molecules of the liquid.

So something happens to the tea molecules when you add lemon, that changes its ability to absorb red light. (That’s my plain English definition).

Why does it happen, let me see if I can keep the explanation simple and interesting.

When tea leaves are picked they are green. Like all leaves, when you pluck them, they start to wilt because they lose water. This is the start of the natural oxidation process. To make our household regular tea, oxidation has to happen at a controlled and specific rate, plus its heated. Oxidation means that water is driven out of the leaf and the chlorophyll (the pigment that make it green) slowly breaks down by the action of the enzymes naturally present in the leaves. Oxidation of the leaves, creates a tannin called Thearubigins – that’s what gives the tea its brown colour and slightly bitter taste.

Now when you add lemon juice to your tea, the citric acid in the lemon reacts with the tannin (thearubigins). The acid doesn’t allow the tannin to get ionized (ionization= converting a molecule to ions). This changes the nature of the liquid to absorb low frequency light.

I hope I got it right. Enjoy the resulting brownish orange chemical solution.

Heres what Everything.com has to say:

Adding a squeeze of lemon juice to black tea has the effect of clearing the liquid; it transforms it from a dark, nearly-opaque brown to a transparent orangey yellow in a matter of seconds. This is because the hydogen ions produced by the acid in the lemon juice suppress the ionisation of thearubigins (tannins), the polyphenols that otherwise give tea its brown colour, an effect known as the bathochromic shift - it's a fun chemistry demonstration as well as a tasty hot drink!* The reaction makes the thearubigins lose not just their brown colour but also their astringency, so strong black tea can be made drinkable this way - especially with the addition of a little sugar to take the edge off the bitterness. Unlike milky tea, lemon tea made this way remains tasty at any temperature, and many recipes for iced tea call for the addition of lemon. Incidentally, orange juice is also acid enough to remove most of black tea's astringency, as well as sweetening it; it sounds weird, but it's actually pretty good.

Just to remind you of the chem lab days, I used to love titrations

Knowledge, no reservations

2010-03-21T23:18:00.003+05:30

Of all sources of knowledge...
I think the internet has managed to become more impartial than any God (in any religion) has ever been able to.
The new age Saraswathi, Benzaiten, Athena... you come asking her for anything and she will not disappoint you. You dont have to even wait to pray.
She does not see your gender, political leaning, sexuality, age, plus, true to 'God-style' thinkin, she doesnt even see your intent.
You get what you ask for.
Two fine inventions!

The Living Dead

2010-03-15T20:54:00.000+05:30

Today… I am feeling mean. I am feeling this urge to be heartless. I feel the need to be a bitch. I close my eyes and picture myself at a cliff edge, cold air crashes into me but only my hair obeys... I suck in air mercilessly and then scream … is it a scream or a bellow?… a wet warmth streams down as I empty out my lungs clean. I don't want to fill it… but the life in me doesn't give me a choice and refills before my mind can be firm on its choice. The discomfort of feeling life fill in my lungs, forces my eyes open. I am back infront of my screen. Still here. Still quite. Still good.

Here is a lovely essay by Judith Strasser, a producer. She wrote this before she died of cancer. Its more powerful to hear her reading it out.

http://www.wpr.org/book/Strasser%20Essay.html

“Time is precious: it's really all we have”

We are dying with every breath we take.

A Dysfunctional Spelling

2010-03-05T21:49:00.002+05:30

Why isnt DYSFUNCTIONAL spelt DISFUNCTIONAL?
It breaks away from the normal rules of negated prefix 'dis'... like in DISlike, DIScomfort, DISobey, etc.

Doesn't it seem to be a pun on the very definition?
:)

Iktara by Tochi Raina From 'Wake up Sid'

2010-01-16T11:26:00.001+05:30

This should be the first song you listen to in the week (if it’s your kind).

Last night I watched ‘wake up sid’ and I liked the movie. It wasn’t earth shattering, but a simple, pleasant movie. Friends at my office might be growing mad with my obsession with the ‘Iktara’ song. Its when I watched the movie that I understood that there is a version sung by a male singer by the name Tochi Raina. This man got his first break after 20 odd years of learning music, in the movie ‘A Wednesday’. Apparently this singer was in treatment for depression because some website made a grave mistake of giving credit to upcoming singer Toshi Sabri for song sung by Tochi. This goof up cost the man his peace of mind and a couple of opportunities.

Well enjoy this version of the song

http://www.4shared.com/file/156455222/53bd6599/Iktara_-_Male_Version_-_by_Toc.html?cau2=403tNull

Here is lyrics+translation to the song, courtesy Amitabh Iyer http://spinningawheel.blogspot.com/2009/12/969-iktara-male-version-from-wake-up.html :

Rooh ka banjara re parinda
Chhad gaya dil ka re gharonda
Chhad gaya dil ka re gharonda todke
Re gharonda todke, gaya chhodke

(rooh = spirit, self or seat of intellect, banjara= nomad, parinda = pigeon, free rebel bird

Its the free spirit (in me) that is soaring, flying out like a bird, escaping from my heart, which (once) used to be its abode…..breaking the shackles that held it within….(as we talk), the spirit is away on a wing and a prayer, having bolted from its own (constraining) home.)

Je naina karun band band
Beh jaye boond boond (2)
Tadpaye re, kyun sunaye geet malhar de

(Every time I close my eyes, the river (of tears) begins to drizzle (down)…..Anguish and misery are my (constant) company, even as the song (and sounds) of rain(s) have started their slow dance.)

Bemalang tera iktara (8)

(As I have said in my previous post Iktara is a single stringed instrument capable of a deep bass and a sharp treble…..and hence is metaphorical of music and the seven notes and life’s up and down in general. This line says….

My iktara continues to harp without any chord, melody or joy….)

Itra tun basi basi, padi hai sirhane
Band darwaja dekhe lauti hai subah
Thandi hai angeethi seeli, seeli hain deewarein
Goonje takrake inme dil ki sada
Goonje hai re (2) dil ki sada (2)

(itra = colloquial word for perfume or an aromatic body paste

My embellishments (like my scents and fragrances) are lying wasting around, breathing their (useless) aromas out and (in the process) dying….My (new) morning (and fresh beginnings) are about to return back after knocking endlessly on my closed doors….My oven and my walls are all damp and cold (due to neglect and disregard)…..In all of these atrophy(surrounding me), all I can hear is the wail of a dirge from my soul, this slow constant echoing lament of my heart.)

)

Jo naina karun band band
Beh jaye boond boond (2)
Tadpaye re, kyun sunaye geet malhar de

Bemalang tera iktara (8)

(My iktara continues to harp without any chord, melody or joy….)

Hmm... so what shall I do today?

2010-01-09T22:12:00.004+05:30

This post was planned for the 1st. I was all enthusiastic that day, about writing this post, or rather more determined than enthusiastic. I even thought of singing ABBA’s ‘Happy new year’ and posting it. But for some reason I couldn’t post it on the 1st… neither could I do it on the 2nd or any of the days after it till now. I guess it speaks well about my ‘determination’ and to tell you the truth, as the days went by and I had the time to imagine how I would sound and how it might be if someone would listen … I started feeling a little conscious about the sing-a-song project. Now it seems like a nightmarish task. So, until another day, whereI will be as impulsive or brave, people don’t have to know how I sound.
Hence forth, I will try my best to stop feeling stifled and discontented. These which I list here are not resolutions (Yeah, I still don’t believe in them), these are things that I would like to remind myself to do, if I am in the mood to. Please pardon the ‘self-talk’...
1) Stop being such a stingy miser and get yourself a SLR
2) You enjoyed that horse ride, remember? May be you should consider taking riding classes. Yeah, it’s expensive, but see if you can manage it appropriately.
3) PMP/PG. Babe, don’t you yearn to get out of this rut? Then do something about it.
4) Voice-over. Make demos and see where it goes.
5) It’s may be time for another travel? Somewhere nearby or Andamans, Sri Lanka, Machu Picchu, Cambodia, New Zealand…
6) How about learning some dance form? Odissi has been a plan for too long. Salsa/jive?
7) Work out? Walk?
8) How about making a short-movie or take up some short movie classes?
9) ... will add on as I get ideas...

Documentary on Mumbai's 26th Nov Attack

2009-11-30T01:33:00.005+05:30

Here is a very good documentary that chronologically, pieces up the events that took place those two days. Made by a filmmaker, Dan Reed, for Channel 4 in UK.
http://mobmag.in/seriously/dispatches-terror-in-mumbai/
Watching it you realise, how gullible people, can be exploited to make ruthless killers . You will notice as you go through the documentary that these terrorists are after all, young boys who get charmed by the lush interiors of the hotel. Something as simple as a computer monitor rivets them and at that moment they sound like a school kid who has set his eyes on an xbox for the first time. These 20-something guys are so caught up with their bosses that they need to right down 'filmy' dialogues that their bosses have ordered them to tell the media. You get to understand that these 'commanders' who are shouting out orders at these guys, are prepared to patiently sweet talk or else breath down their necks to ensure that the work is done.

On my last 3-4 visits to Lifestyle shopping mall, i noticed that the rigourous hand bag checks that were there, now has gone cold. Last month I visited Garuda mall and the lady there just took a peep into my bag and let me in. I told her to take a good look, in turn she checked my bag to somewhat satisfy me. She must be too sure that this mall isnt the kind of place that will suit the tastes of a terrorist. Poor thing, she is waiting for one such event to happen perhaps. And for those of us who do go through the entrance without having to be checked are all the more glad that we dont have to waste 2 mins wasting at the entrance.

This is the thing with us Indians. Misery, tragedy is a part of our lives. It does not get us paranoid, though it does temporarily scare us. And in due course of time, our fear fades away. We as citizens, are very laid back about everything thats not right - beauraucracy, population, littering, reservation, terrorism, etc. We can go on and on about it, but dont ask us to do anything about it. Though i am glad that we are not a paranoid nation, I now wonder, whether we were better off being one. Atleast that way we would have done something substancial before another attack. Oh! maybe thats what our terrorist-hosting neighbours are doing... they are trying to wake us up. But despite the best of their efforts, we fail to keep our eyes open for too long.

How many bomb blasts has India suffered in the last 20 years? We holdout candles for the 26th Nov. If we were to take into consideration all those blasts... I think there wouldnt be a day in the year where we wouldnt hold memorial services. India would have to import candles to meet the demand.

JAI HIND ! Its not the exaggerated exclamation of patiotism that we need here. Its a simple dot, a full stop to what stands in the way of our improvement.
JAI HIND .

A drizzle of goodness

2009-11-26T23:14:00.005+05:30

I am sure you have experianced this somewhere sometime in your life... you could be sitting or standing somewhere and suddenly, almost out of no where, you feel a very very tiny droplet of water on your skin. It brings a lil surprise coupled with a smile ... atleast for me.

Just like that, today, the person in me, who had almost lost faith in the existance of something called goodwill, received a sign.

Today morning, I had a person from my automobile service center, come and get my car. So, I had to rely on my least favourite mode of transport - the autorikshaw. I have nothing against the vehicle, in fact I love it and hope that someone would have the guts to remodel the thing and turn it into a commercial vehicle. It's its drivers that get to me.

My home is about 10 km from my office and on days with traffic - it takes me in my car, max 40-45 mins to get to work, else it just takes me 20 min. Now, guess my surprise when the first few autos drivers I had stopped, tell me that they would charge me extra. And for what?!! Listen to this s*&! : "Madam, theres too much of traffic." Well if your thing runs on wheels it doesnt have a choice but to navigate through traffic. What were they expecting empty roads or they better get thier autos to fly - Now I am sure there isnt much traffic up there. As it is, on earth most of them can simulate a drive to hell, and if they were to fly, well I guess, it would guarantee that you get off safely at destination - HELL.

Then I boarded an auto that didn't make any such demand (Hmmm ... thats weird). I told him where I needed to go - just the area and not the specifics. The driver took me through familiar roads but not my regular route. Finally I reached at my office. The meter showed Rs.96. He asked me 'Madam, I did not have a clear picture of where you had to get off exactly. The route I took you thru was longer. Usually how much does it take you to get here?'. I paid him a 100. I told him Rs.75-80. He checks all over for change and then hands me over Rs.15. I told him that he needed to give me Rs.4 and he went on to explain that he took me on a longer route when I could have saved my money. I was happy, humbled, shocked, moved... all at the same time. I gave him back the tenner. Just so that I dont forget who he was - a curly haired, round faced man by the name of Ambrose from some JJR or JJP Layout or something.

Now, that must be a shock to all those of us (esp Bangaloreans) who have to grapple with autodrivers over longer routes, tampered meters, unresonable charges, rides denied for all kinds of reasons. How many 'Ambroses' do you think might be out there? Or does it matter? Is it just enough knowing that there is one, as of now, and there just might be more somewhere?

I felt happy for the reason that he respected my money just as he would his. I was carrying a laptop, clearly looking like someone who earned more than him. But thankfully he did not think that my Rs.96 was any cheaper or valuable than Rs.96 that lies in his pockets.

I have had another nice experiance once before... but Imight share that someday later.

So, dont lose faith over human nature. Its human nature to go against the definition of 'nature'... its in us humans to constantly bring up surprises.

NOTE: The picture is a cartoon drawn by the author of this blog http://iyermatter.wordpress.com/. I loved the image so much, I just had to use it.

Make Nita's Reel World Rich

2009-11-17T14:45:00.001+05:30

Here are some movies that I want to collect. The ones in green- I have them. Share your list too.

Here is mine:

Duck Season/Temporada de patos : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temporada_de_patos

Whats eating Gilbert Grape http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What's_Eating_Gilbert_Grape

The Shipping News : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Shipping_News_(film)

Anne of the Thousand Days http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anne_of_the_Thousand_Days

For Keeps http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/For_Keeps_(film)

Sex, Lies and Obession http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/sex_lies_and_obsession/

Blue Moon http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0189397/#comment

The River Runs through it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_River_Runs_Through_It_(film)

Lions for Lambs http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lions_for_Lambs

Quiz Show http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quiz_Show

The Milagro Beanfield War http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Milagro_Beanfield_War

Ordinary People http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ordinary_People

Silkwood http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Silkwood

Burbaker http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brubaker

The bridge too far http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Bridge_Too_Far_(1977_film)

A Civil Action http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Civil_Action

The Moghuls http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0405163/

Interview with the Vampire http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interview_with_the_Vampire_(film)

Donnie Brasco http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donnie_Brasco_(film)

The devil's advocate http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Devil's_Advocate_(film)

The Crying Game http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Crying_Game

Sweet Home Alabama http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sweet_Home_Alabama_(film)

The Usual Suspects http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Usual_Suspects

I just want you to be happy LYRICS

2009-11-04T18:51:00.000+05:30

I came across this by chance today. Thought it is something that many of us feel when we see a close friend or a family clamp up in pain. I know a lot of people have felt this way looking at me at times. I haven’t yet heard the song. But the lyrics sure is good. Simple and straight forward – just what goes on in the mind of someone who cares about you. -NEETS

I just want you to be happy

I might not be the one to make you though

It hurts so much to see you down

I just want you to feel better

I just want you to be happy

I might not be the right one, who knows

It hurts so much to see you decay

I just want you to find the way out

I just want you to be happy

You might not feel like talking to me

But it hurts so much to hear the silence

I'd rather hear you scream from your soul

You never tell me what the pain is for

You let your heart be stuck in the fall

You don't have to share

Just come out of a cage

Then the sun will banish your fears

I just want you to be happy

I might not be the one to make you though

It hurts so much just to be around you

When you are too hard on yourself

I just want you to know (x3)

that it's okay to be happy in the fall

I just want you to be

I just want you to feel

I just want you to be

I just want you to be happy

NITA'S TALKIE TALK: Pazhassi Raja

2009-10-25T19:19:00.005+05:30

Rating: 3/5
Language: Malayalam (Dubbed into Hindi, Tamil, Telugu)
Gener: Historical
Gist: Story of the 18th century popular king, Kerala Varma Pazhassi and his revolt against the British East India Company with the help of his trusted right-hand Edachena Kungan Nair and Kurichiar Tribe.

Director: T. Hariharan
Story: MT Vasudevan
Music: Illayaraja
Produced by: Gokulam Gopalan

Cast: Mammooty, Sharathkumar, Manoj K Jayan, Padmapriya, Kanika Sbramanium, Peter Handley, Harry Key, Linda Arsenio

REVIEW
Highlights:

MT Vasudevan's story
Good acting by Indian actors. Apart from Mamooty, performaces by Sharathkumar, Padmapriya and Manoj K Jayan were exceptional. Sharathkumar's mouth movements were very good.
Well-done publicity. Successful at creating a hype.
Locations
Informative for those who know nothing about this piece of history.

Drawbacks:

Some of the costumes look very synthetic. The British actors' costumes were very bright.
The malayalam spoken sounds more 'new age' than it ought to be.
Wigs were terrible. It looks more like hair that hasnt been washed in ages!
Action - the excessive use of the hung-from-rope action kills the intended effect and it has been executed badly in several places. Sharathkumar out-shines Mamooty in the sword fights- his movements have a better finish. Padmapriya has handled her action scenes very well.
Non-Indian actors: Peter Handley plays Major James Gordon. Harry Key plays Assistant Collector Thomas Hervey Baber. Linda Arsenio plays Dora Assistant Collector Baber's fiancée. To sum up their acting abilities - pathetic, below average, too theatrical in some cases. Infact, they look almost comical in several scenes. For example, the final scene after the king is dead and the Asst. Collector talks of how he respects the King dispite him being their enemy, made me laugh for two reasons - one, the dialogue delivery was highly juvenile and two, no where else in the movie did Harry Key's face ever show that he felt any kind of respect for his enemy, the king. (Compare it with the Last Samurai's scene where Ken Watanbe gets killed. You can see the honour that the enemies feel for eachother. Now you get me?!)
Narrator - It looks like the narrator is only a last minute addition for the sake of adding a crowd-puller's name in the credits of the movie in the beginning so that the movie finds it easy to warm up to the local crowd. The narrator has just 2-3 lines to say in the beginning of the movie and thats it. You dont hear the narrator ever again.
Had this been created some 20-30 years ago, this would have been good enough. But at a day and age where you get to see period movies being created more often and that too with such finesse, it is sin to create a movie which is known as the most expensive Malayalam movie (Rs.2,700,000) and that severely lacks detail and perfection.
Somehow the movie fails to anchor your attention and interest.

BOTTOM LINE:

Watch it for the history. It will ride on the waves of celebrity-power and hype. The hype will draw-in the initial crowd, but the loyal fans will keep the moolah flowing.

NITA EATS OUT @ Eurasia, Jayanagar

2009-10-18T21:32:00.005+05:30

Vegitarian
Italian (Maj) + Arabic + Mongolian

RATING:
@ THE RESTAURANT
Taste: 4/5
Price: 3/5 - 250-350 per head
Service: 4/5 - quick - I was served within 10 min, the waiters are prompt and polite.
Ambience: 4/5
HOME DELIVERY
Delivery: 4/5 - quicker than I had expected for Italian fare(both home delivery and at the restaurant)
Packing: 4/5

COMMENTS: This is the first time that I have come across an authentic Italian restaurant in this side of Bangalore. And that too a good one. A place worth visiting. I have had food from here both, with friends and alone - and I find the food a little too expensive. It has taken them courage to start a restaurant of such nature in an area famous for its idli-vangi bath diet. They have taken up the challenge beautifully.

PICTURES: http://picasaweb.google.com/nitaarvind/NITAEATSOUTEurasiaOct09#

ADDRESS: #12, 32nd Cross, 7th Block Jayanagar

PHONE: 22452202, 22452203, 22452204

Tandoori Pomodoro Pasta

2009-10-11T16:04:00.005+05:30

Ok... that name might suck... but the dish definitely doesnt. Or atleast my family enjoyed it. What lead to this? We had brought home a Tandoori Chicken parcel, but dinner was so good that we hardly had the Tandoori Chicken. Today morning, I walked into the kitchen and then remembered a friend saying that she wanted to try making something Indian in pasta.
Taking cue, I set out to do something, that turned out well.
We had brought the Tandoori Chicken from Imperial on Residency Road (their masala smells great and they dont use artificual colour).
Ingredients:
1 Tandoori Chicken
500gm of pasta/macroni
2 Large tomatoes
2 Medium Onions
2 tsp Ginger Garlic Greenchilli paste
1/2 tsp pepper powder
1/2 tsp chilli powder
1 pinch Garam Masala
1 clove staranise
1/2 inch cinnamon
1 pinch oregano
1 pinch rosemary
Procedure:
1) Cook, drain pasta and keep it aside
2) Chop the tandoori chicken and throw away the bones
3) Heat 1 tbl spn in a vessle (the vessle should be big enough to hold the cooked pasta), add in the staranise and cinnamon.
4) Add the chopped onions and saute till transparent
5) Add the ginger-garlic-green chilli paste till the raw garlic paste disappears
6) Add the pepper powder, chilli powder and saute
7) Add the tomatoes. Add salt to taste. Add the oregano and rosemary after crushing it. Cook the tomatoes till they soften
8) Add the chopped Tandoori Chicken. Mix it well and leave it to cook in the sauce for 3-4 mins
9) Add 1/2 - 3/4 cup water and bring to boil. (Add salt if needed)
10) Add in the pasta and mix it well with the sauce.

I know Im back

2009-09-13T22:05:00.002+05:30

Yeah... perhaps i need to know this more than any of you out there. I need to know that i am back to bloggin and that I am going to enjoy it.
New look, new idea... lemme see what i can come up with.
Oh, this is the first time I have tried the post-by-email option. Nice, hunh?

God - the pacifier

2008-03-11T21:26:00.004+05:30

God is a pacifier. A pacifier that was handed down to me through my parents. In fact, every family has a pacifier of their own.

Some of us get hooked to it and suck at all times. And since its always stuck in the mouth, we just cant see it completely, plus, the part that’s visible seems larger than it actually is because it so close to our eyes.

Some of us wear it around our necks, never knowing when we might need it. and use it when we need some pacification. Once its served its purpose, it goes back to where it belongs- dangling around our necks.

Some of us see no need for pacification because the need for it seems somewhat shameful – a thing of the past, a lie we have been taught to rely on when the real comfort should be found within us. We throw away that pacifier and look down upon it and perhaps look down upon those who might still rely on it.

Some of us find our pacifier not being good at its job. So we throw away the old one and set out to find another one- another model or perhaps, another brand. Keep searching for that which might finally pacify us.

My pacifier finds a special place in my drawer. It shares space with all those lil momentos that mark some importance in my life. It lies there,as a reminder of the times it helped me become a better person, as a reminder of the time I felt, 'I dont need it'. I have not lost my appreciation for what it has done for me. Today I am able to appreciate the whole pacifier business - different brands, different models, their features and the promises of what their product can do. Now, it will lie there till its my turn to give it to my kids. I will sit back and watch they would do with theirs.

Essay writing

2008-03-10T22:19:00.002+05:30

Who thought I would ever get to do another essay composition after my school days. My pre- University days were the last time I had language classes. I was more than just happy when I heard my office was conducting communication classes for everyone. Today, after all these years I got to write one. We were told to use the following 10 words how many ever times we wanted, in which ever order we wanted in our composition : 1) Laptop 2)Nano 3)Dolphin 4)Hotel 5)Pirate 6)Turtle 7)Prince 8) Mountain 9)Clouds 10) Oranges
Here is what I wrote:

"
I love cloudy days, like this one. I had been working on the book all night- staring into my laptop, tapping away. I had never experianced an urge so strong like the one last night, so powerful, that I finished what I had set out to do. I thought, my system would crave for a nap at dawn, but, I surprise myself- I dont feel tired. I guess the contentment is keeping me awake.
My grumbling stomach demands some much deserved attention. I reach out for the bag of oranges on the table, behind me. As though to break the monotonous morning silence, the bag rips launching the oranges to the wooden floor- thud.thud...thud. There were only 3 left from my orange-dinner yesterday.I bend under my table to see if it wakes Prince. It does- he peeps out opening his eyes slowly. Prince, my pet turtle, wasted no time in getting back to doing what he loves best, resting on his royal bed made up of cabbage leaves in a two-day old pizza box.
I pick the oranges and make my way to the balcony. I sit there, on the floor with the salty air rushing to me, feeling like I own the place. I conveniently forget that I need to pay the Nano Park Hotel tomorrow for this luxury. I hope I had enough to buy this place!! How else could I feel? Looking at this rolling sea, fishing trollers bobbing up and down on the blue sea and dolphins dancing in the distance. Turn a lil to the left and majestic mountains stand tall, towering over the clouds. I am lost in all this beauty. Suddenly mind shifts to the thought of dark,cold and mysterious pirates. I picture my publisher, with an eye-patch and a pirate hat, having a hook for a hand and a peg for a leg. Gaawd! that reminds me I need get back to finishing that book.
"

It felt so good to be doing it after so long. May be you should try it too ... just for the kick!

Sketchbook Inaugerated

2007-08-22T12:40:00.001+05:30

I bought a sketch book day before yesterday. Some 6-7 months ago my orthodontist had given me a set of Faber Castel pencils. He had bought it, in the hope that he would find some time between his practice to sketch. But he couldnt. Then he happened to see the sketch I had put up on this blog a long time ago (remember?). Little did he know that I too dont make the time to pursue my interests. The time it took me to use these pencils proves how proactive i am. But ok, let me not complain too much- atleast i got my self to use that sketch book and the pencils. I felt it didnt turn out as i had wanted it to- was finding it difficult to add texture to the skin and clothe, but with my Mom, brother and friends expressing shock at the pic and asking me 'You did THAT?!', i am assuming that it is good. So, I will give my self one pat. This encourages me to do more. And do more i will do...
I would like to thank all those people who have helped me by either praising or telling me ways how how to better this pic. Special thanks to my orthodontist for gifting me that pencil set, apart from taking care of my teeth and i hope he will stop by a stationary shop, buy another set of pencils and a sketch book and ask his daughter to pose for him or try drawing his pet fishes!
By the way, there is nothing deep about the sketch. My sketchbook was resting on my lap and I needed an object which I shouldnt have trouble observing- so the lap that served as support for my sketch, became my subject. That is my own foot - so you want a photograph to confirm it? ;P

Rid

2007-08-04T22:46:00.000+05:30

I got there.
I had it with me
Eversince I can remember.
It was never mine.
I came hoping to rid of it
Not knowing how
Dont know where it is
But I do know its there
A look into the reflection
Desperate for a clue
Where do I start diggin in me?
But the water is running
Desperation welcomes defeat
Eyes cloud
I am humbled
Two trickles add to the ripple
I learn
It is me
The water is running
I succumb
I am free
I am gone

Wrote this just now. 10:47pm, 4th Aug 07

Not much has happened

2007-07-29T11:47:00.000+05:30

Its been real long since i had been here. The whole place is covered with dust. I can assure you that you havent missed out much. There hasnt been nothing to write about. Yes there had been those occassional pangs to write but ...
I bought my first car:

A Wagon R Vxi. Its doing good so far.
There is one coincidence i'd like to mention here... The first toy-peddel car I drove around was Red. The first car I learned to drive was a red maruthi 800. And incidentally the first car i have bought is red too - only by chance. I was told that this was the car that was readily available in the yard and if i needed any other colour i would have to wait max a month. So i settled for what was available. Otherwise i would have loved to buy some other colour. But, there you go, i have yet another red car. I hope to take it out for a long drive. I have had some plans, lets see how much of it will materialise.
I have some wacko wishes thats been on my mind since some time, thought i will pen them down :
wish i could assist the camera man/woman of show. I think it is one of the most aesthetically done car shows i have ever seen.
wish to design homes
wish to get an SLR
wish to learn kick boxing
wish to get back to learning barathnatyam, or may be some other form of dance
wish to learn drums
wish to make and fly a kite (Join me if you will - provided you are in bangalore too, leave me a comment)
wish to learn a few magic tricks
wish to write a book
wish to make a movie
Just felt like putting this down for no reason. May be i am trying to make these visible. Perhaps, its not doin any good lying in my head.
So tell me how have you been?

So, Bend lady! Bend !

2007-03-24T00:24:00.000+05:30

This is a very interesting experiance I had on the 14th Mar 07, 10:30 pm. This was a marriage alliance that my family had come across, I was asked to chat with this guy online, for the first time. Lets call him Mr.S.
Mr.S is a 30 yr Malayalee guy brought up mostly in 'amchi' Mumbai (Personally i have a high regard for Mumbaiwalle. On a childhood trip to Bombay I found most of them to be people with no hang-ups, mind-my-own business kinds, yet surprisingly sensitive people- they jump at a chance to help anyone. Or atleast thats strictly my opinion. This guy was close to changing that opinion). I was dog-tired that day, plus ,I had a tough day at work.
The whole chat lasted an hr to hr and a half.
Here is a part of the chat log. I have removed the initial introductory part and some casual information exchange about eachother. Here is the rest, hope you enjoy it:

Mr.S: as a wife Iam looking out for a loving softhearted..not so ambitious..not so modern but qualified girl
ME: ok
ME: go on
ME: ...
Mr.S: aur kuch bacha hai kya..yes understanding baki sab as usual..and she has be enthusiastic and she has to be very talktive a s well
ME: explain on ambitious
Mr.S: wat r u thinking that u let me know
ME: i am not sure... since you are explaining your picture of your spouse... you will be in a better position to explain
Mr.S: I wud...u tell me what u want
ME: well i am looking for someone whos more of a friend
Mr.S: hold on
ME: someone who has a similar value system to that of mine
Mr.S: for now...just let me ur opinion abt the ambitious part u had raised
ME: oh ok
ME: not so ambitious=you mind her working?
Mr.S: she shud work ...I want her to work
Mr.S: anything else u have in mind?
Mr.S: abt the ambitious part I mean
ME: ok... i will tell you what i think of ambition for me- i would want to work. but thats gonna be diff when i and my spouse decide to start a family of our own. so then i guess for sometime... work has to take a back seat.
ME: or i have to look into alternate careers from home
ME: but that again can happen only if you have a spouse who co-operates
ME: thats what it is for me... you could explain what you want now.
Mr.S: ok
Mr.S: I want a spouse who should work...but she not b very ambitious...mening she shud set the expectation right with her boss..that she wont be in the office beyongd th stipulated time
Mr.S: family shud her prioryt and then her career
ME: yeah. but when you have a delivery date ... i guess those days are gonna be hectic
Mr.S: yup
Mr.S: those are an exception..some days maaf hai ;)
Mr.S: some
ME: ok
ME: and what your view of 'modern'?
Mr.S: again why dont u tell me wat u think abt ti
ME: no i think its easier when you just put it straight yaar!
Mr.S: ladies first :)
ME: noooo please...
ME: my brains has been working real hard all day... dont make me play KBC
ME: there isnt any money for this question toooo!
Mr.S: what do u mean..mera brain kaa nahi kiay din baaar :)
Mr.S: so why dont u answer it first then lady ;)
ME: nope... you are the 'poochna' end
ME: its easier
Mr.S: poochna end matlab
ME: and more over... i am guessing- guessing takes effort
ME: you are asking me to run my brains... it doesnt require brain power to express what you believe in or want... it comes from the heart
ME: so yoru job is easier at this moment
Mr.S: Iam waiting waiting waiting...no issues...keep guessing guessing ;)
ME: oh dude! spare me! i have had a tough day at office!
ME: please be easy on me.
Mr.S: u do sound pretty mod
ME: mod=modern?
Mr.S: yup
ME: why? :D
ME: :))
Mr.S: u addressing me as dude and all re isliye ;)
ME: dude... is a word many people use... dont think its a sign of modernity
Mr.S: aisa kuch..but normally I have seen..nahi chod
Mr.S: galthi
Mr.S: maff kar
ME: i am surprised... dont you use it?
ME: chal teek hai... maaf kia
Mr.S: Iam mod na..so I can use na :))
ME: :) smart
Mr.S: :)
ME: so Mr. Mod ... tho bathaye ... aap ke hisab se 'modern' ka kya mathlab hai?
Mr.S: oh ok..coming bac to the mod topic..ur chance to elaborate on that
ME: man ... SRK shouls meet you
ME: i havent seen his show.. i hear he is real good . i am sure he will leave his seat if he meets you
ME: you sure are persistant!
Mr.S: so like u like pulling guys
ME: pulling guys? whats that?
Mr.S: hmm sometimes I just love to be persistent
Mr.S: pulling leg yar
Mr.S: tang keechna
ME: ooh pulling leg... when my tubelight flickers and when i get the chance
Mr.S: so does that tubelight of ur flicker all the time ;)
Mr.S: urs flickers
ME: at the end of the day its burnt out... but looks like its not as bad as i thought... it is able to pull a few legs atlease
Mr.S: good one ;)
ME: thank you ... *bowing* thank you
Mr.S: :)
Mr.S: vaise I dont like to bow most of the times ;)
ME: Mr.S, i need to wake up early and make break fast... so give me the ans.
Mr.S: mere dost subah muje bhi utana hai
Mr.S: so u know how to cook is it :)
ME: have some mercy on me
ME: well survival skill- i enjoy experimentations mostly
Mr.S: okie
Mr.S: ok mod maane....
Mr.S: wat do u think
ME: oh no!
ME: i thought you were gonna ans
ME: you got me fooled there
Mr.S: ek baar bow kiya
Mr.S: not again
ME: ok... i have run out of stamina
Mr.S: good girl
ME: i am yawning big enough for an elephant to walk into my mouth
ME: whats so good about running out of stamina?
Mr.S: becuase ur abt to bow..isliye..that's the best part of it
ME: ohhh sonny... you made a mistake there... i said i am running out of stamina... not that i gave up
ME: there is a clear distinction btwn the both :D
Mr.S: ok lady...if that' what u want
Mr.S: then u in for a big fight
Mr.S: but remeber..I wont like it if I lose
Mr.S: so make sure that I dont lose
Mr.S: ;)
ME: well ... i fight for my self and for the right :)
Mr.S: u fight...I dont mind
ME: like evey movie... ritiousness will win
ME: ok
Mr.S: but u shud lose is all what Iam saying...ami jyada nahi magatha
Mr.S: I have a very big inflated ego of mine...
ME: sorry. i see i am on the right. :) so its not a question of losing... its a question of being resonable
Mr.S: so give the answer of the question then ;))
Mr.S: tuh matlab haar nahi maanegi na
ME: nope... like i said... i am being reasonable asking you to elaborate on your own point
Mr.S: when I say I want u to aswer..then I wud like it to be that way
ME: describe your nature... for a change.
Mr.S: changing the topic wont help
ME: nope
ME: i am trying to understand you better
ME: we will come back to the topic
Mr.S: ok
Mr.S: its like iam in a HR meeting ;)
Mr.S: ok
Mr.S: I have a bit of dominating nature
ME: and...
Mr.S: and aur kya jaana hai
ME: talk about your self
Mr.S: aks me point to popint
ME: what you think about your self?
ME: what are the qualities you admire in a person?
Mr.S: It depends on the gender as well
Mr.S: In a girl..I wud like hr to be mild,soft,understanding
Mr.S: Ian amale...brains...way they lead..etc
Mr.S: do I sound like a mcp
ME: how do u pick friends... what do you look for when you chose or appreciate people?
Mr.S: that have to be as qualified or working in some place..basically they shud be my equal firstly...baki sab usual..we shud get along well basically
ME: so thats irrespective of gender rt?
Mr.S: gender no..for a girl she has to be lovely beautiful ;)
Mr.S: yes right
ME: do you get angry?
Mr.S: sometimes yes...
ME: what a question... every one does
ME: that was a wrong question... how do you deal with it ?
Mr.S: depends on the situation
Mr.S: if Iam right...I might try to reason out..and if nothing helps..I might just sulk all alone
Mr.S: but I come out of it quickly
Mr.S: I cannot be angry for along time..I try to mend it mostly irespetive whther iam right or wrong
Mr.S: lady..u asleep
ME: nope
ME: i am terribly sleepy
ME: but we will continue
Mr.S: ok
ME: so just as i promised.. lets get back to the 'mod issue'
Mr.S: and just as I wanted u start
ME: its a one last try before i hit the bed
ME: sorry sir. i obliged the first time with the 'ambition' bit. But now its ur turn to oblige
ME: i honoured you, you honour me
ME: simple
Mr.S: I give u the oppurtunity again madam
ME: 'Can i use a life line? can i use phone a friend?'
Mr.S: as I toild u ek din bow kiya bahut hua..not again
Mr.S: u use whatever u want...but my answer wud remain the same
ME: ok then. i think i will hit the bed and hope to wake up early. you go ahead a get e good sleep
Mr.S: all right
Mr.S: that's a bad sign
Mr.S: both of us not bowing
ME: you made that sign yourself.
Mr.S: well I just to check if u wud bow
ME: at least its standing tall for different reasons
ME: not when i have been nice to comply once
Mr.S: yes but..I wud prefer my lady to be mild...so even if u bend that does not mean u lost...but u kept my honour ;)
ME: thats when necessary. ;)
Mr.S: lady u still the chance to kep my honour
ME: mild doesnt mean give in for every lil thing. :) it means to understnd a crucial situation and soften when necessary :)
Mr.S: this is called emotional blackmailing
Mr.S: pehel impression sahi hona chahiye..so bend lady
ME: dost, your honuor isnt mine as yet... its a long way to that... it takes a lot of understanding and a lot of mutual respect. its a two way road
Mr.S: well ur right
Mr.S: I never meant when i said u shud honour me
ME: what is that ... there is that saying in mall... oru palam aayal... angotum, ingotum vennam (if there is a bridge, there has to be movement in both directions)
Mr.S: yes fisr ingotuum ( first this way)
Mr.S: then aagonattum ( then that way)
Mr.S: manalsaliya lady ( understood lady?)
ME: thats ok. i assume you said it for fun
Mr.S: nope
Mr.S: Iam serrious ;)
ME: angotu nyan cross chedu ( i had crossed over)- remember 'ambition'. not its your turn
ME: well Mr.S. i really have to go. you can chose to explain if you will , anytime
ME: well till then you may chose to mail me or let me know when you would like to chat again
ME: till then
ME: bon soir!
Mr.S: bye bye lady ME

Soon our chat came to an end. It gave me a head ache. I lie down in bed tossing and turning in anger and shock. I hoped i could have been honest with my feelings and given him a piece of my mind then and there. Though some of you out there wouldnt understand my lack of reaction, there are a few who know exactly why i didnt give him a power-dose. I wondered why would someone be like this on their first chat with someone?! Did he really believe that someone would find him impressive if he was to flash his views like this? A woman would like a man who says that he is the dominating kinds, he doesnt like to lose, so you'll have to bend for him?!!! One of my close friends felt deeply for my situation and expressed that i should have given him a reading so that he wouldnt do this to another woman.
I didnt think of another woman but me at that moment. I wanted to give him a treatment for the sake of myself and no one else. But when i think of another woman, i think he shouldnt be stopped. Why should i stop him? The only comfort in this story was that he was honest- he was being him self and wasnt faking. I would want him to remain this way if he truely believed in what he said. It would only help another woman make a decision if he remained true to him self. To me it seemed like something was wrong over here. And if it is something wrong , then i would rather want it lying out in the sun, than finding it hidden in a closet.

I hide

2007-03-04T11:40:00.000+05:30

I hide
  now and then,
behind my face
infront of you.

I hide
  here and there,
behind open doors
in a stiffled mind

I hide
  quietly,
behind all the loudness
in effervescence

I hide
  cos
I know
  I have no where else to go.
There is no where else to hide
  But in here.

- 11:32 am 4th Mar 07

I just scibbled this out today morning in a paper, just a couple of min ago. I am not a poet by any standard, but there are these rare impulses i get to write something- which comes like- once in a couple of years.
The good thing here is that i have written this almost a year after i wrote that english-urdu poem. May be its a good sign.
The origninal name was 'My hideout'.
I have to thank all those people who have been paying me visits over here... Ann, Jes, Doc, Kim, Kondur, Vampy, Michelle, Siri... I have not been online for a long time now. And it been real long since i have done any blog hpping at all. The first i have visited in months was , Kondur's , and that too two days ago, just cos he left the country and wanted to know how he was doing.
I am gonna change that. I will find more time for what i love. I will come home.

Quote Moi

2007-02-09T14:00:00.000+05:30

"Lost is finding yourself in a place you had never meant to be in." -Neets

Constant Change

2007-01-27T15:46:00.000+05:30

This week didnt end quite well,to top it the weekend has been even worse.
Yest i woke up forgetting about the day before. Thought "Today will be better". I thought i will have some nice time after so long. I needed a break so thought i will catch up with my girl-friends from Pre-university college times. And one of them invited us over home for lunch. What better way to put your weekend at risk than to become her guinea pig. To our relief she was a good cook. But before i could leave for her home i had some errands to run. While I was at it, i recieved a call. And this post is all about this call.
It had been real long since we heard each other over the phone. A couple of years. Old friends from school but the number of phone calls we have made to each other since we passed out can be counted in one hand. Two fingers, i think- once when her Mom needed blood and the other time was when our friend passed way (Those of you who have read my first post, will be familiar with this friend). Apart from that we have been occasionally in touch through mail-I mean she is one of those people whom I send forwards(Yes. you r not alone). But this call was different and took me by surprise.
Lets call my friend, S. Its the first time she has called me in 5-6 years. And this is how the conversation went:
S: (Over-excited) Oh! HIyeeeeee! Oh! How are youuuuu?
ME: Hi S! I am fine. how are you doing?
S: (over-the-top-happy)gooood. Whats plans for the weekend?
ME: nothing much. Have lunch at a friend's place, then i have a Dentist Appointment in the evenin.
S:Oh! (light-laugh) See i will be going for a trip over the weekend. My folks werent very happy with the idea, cos they are not familiar with these friends of mine. So, (slow) i was wondering if you could join...
ME:Ok. When is this trip and how many of you are goin?
S:Aaa... I will be leaving today. 4-5 friends from the Mumbai branch(of her office).
ME: Its such a short notice and more over i know no one at all. WE at office are plannin for a trip too for the next month.
S:See i was thinking of tellin my parents that you and some of your friends have coincidentally set for a trip earlier. And that we just got to know of eachothers plans and when i reach there- I and my friends will join you guys for sight seeing.
ME: (being polite )S, dear, i can goof up and i am real bad with the lying thing.. i am not at all comfortable with this.
S: Oh come on... if they call you you have to just say that you are in Goa too.
Me: NO. Dear... (She talks from the other end) Ok. I need to think.
-End of call-
Then i send her a message: "I dont want to do this"
Then she calls again:
S: hey (laughs) whhaaayeee?
ME: See i cant yaar (smiling). Why dont you ask some friend from office to cover up for you?
S: Ya, but the friend, shes on a trip to coorg...
ME:Thats exactly why it will be easier for her to fib... she is travelling too!
S: aaa...(sheepishly) but i have already told my parents that you are there in Goa and will pick me up.
ME: WHAT?!!! you didnt ask me?!!! how did you think of me?!!!! GOD! Lot of things can go wrong... if they ask me... where am i staying... what is my contact number.... etc? too much of mess... Just tell them you really want to go and that you will be ok. leave all your friends contact info with them. Explain to them that they are collegues from another office. It will be fine.
S:Dont worry like this yaar! say .....
.
.
.
ME: Dear think real well if you want to still go. Take good care of your self. I dont know how i am gonna do this!
S:(laughs) dont worry yaar!
-End of call-

This followed by about another two calls... and with every call my tone and mood changed. This whole thing was gettin me worked up! By the end of the day, I had lost my peace of mind, I desperately wanted to stop her from goin so that i didnt have to do this!

The last call:
S: See my dad is really pissed with me... he said ," i dont like this idea at all but if you still want to go then you may."
ME:(i was tired by now) Listen, When uncle is givin you so much of freedom, why the hell dont you just leave the contact informations with him?!!! Ok. Tell me, have you been on such trips before?
S: (giggling)yes.
ME:Had you parents stopped you before?
S: (smiling)no.
ME:Then why are they stoppin you now?
S:They are not familiar with these friends of mine.
ME: how many people are going to meet over there?
S: Some 4-5 . Actually i know only 1 guy in the whole set.
ME:What?! My dear darling, your parents have every reason to worry- you only know this one guy!!! why are you going when you dont know the rest?
S: I trust this guy.
ME: Let me ask you... are you going around with this guy?
S: (emphatic)NO! If that was the case i would have told you. I would have.
ME: I think you shouldnt go.
S: (all the smile and intermittent giggling stops and tone changes to, do-i-need-to-hear-this-from-you? From her point of view - she was totally justified. Who the hell am i to tell her this?!!) Why? do you say that?
ME: Simple. You are going thru all this shit... all this pain and all this trouble to lie your way out. why dont you just dial the number to your friend and let your parents speak to him. They will instantly feel comfortable. Tell them you really want to go. and you will take good care of your self.
.
.
.
ME: Dear I dont know what you do. I hope you know what your doing. I feel used. you just make sure that they dont have to call me. I can't keep a lie go on for too long.
S: hey i am sorry. I will make sure they dont call you.
ME: you better be. you take care. remember you are responsible for your self. Enjoy
-End of call-
S had asked for my home number and address her parents wanted to know.
S wanted me to tell my parents so that they were informed just in case her parents would call. but she needed to know what i would tell my folks... i told her it would just be what ever the truth is so far.

This is not the first time i have been asked such favours. The only difference with this situation is ... (1)the one who needs help always asks me whether i am ok doing a cover up- for which it has always been easy to say a straight off no. unlike in this case where the damage was already done (2)the ones who have made such requests to me in the past are people i was in touch with at that time... not someone who called right out of the blue after half a decade to drop a bomb like this.
So what were the mistakes:
MISTAKE 1:i shouldnt have been dazed and shocked. should have taken stock of the situation. Should have seen it straight... if she couldnt be desent enough to ask for my consent before draggin me into this crap, then i had every right to be rude to her. tell her NO. Why would i have to care of the soup she would be in?

S, was never the kinds to resort to using stories to get her way when we were in school. She was a strong girl, straight-forward. An achiever, a successful student and state level athelete. Its shockin to see how people change. Its not to say i am perfect. I have changed in my own way... and to be honest.. in ways i dont like. But you have an idea of the ways and extent to which your friends can change over time, and S's case proved my assessment wrong.

While at my friends place for lunch, i shared this issue with them, and there again, the host was of the opinion that i 'Just help her!' while the other friend was thinkin like i was... "hey who is she going with, what if she is into some trouble... hey then you shouldnt have to be pulled into it yaar!"

Well i went home after my dental appointment and rattled the whole story to my folks. Again, my mom was shocked with hearing that S would need to do this... this tells you that i am not the only one who thought S would change like this. Then my folks were of the opinion that her parents should be informed that i am not with her.

So today morning Mom called her home and spoke to her Dad and Mom. Then i spoke to Uncle(her Dad) too. He seemed to be really disappointed, was real sad. Though he didnt seemed to be surprised- i guess the disagreement they had the previous night in some way kept him prepared. I told him not to worry and that she will be fine and that she is a responsible girl. I did one right thing.. i told her to give me the details of the person she was travelling with. I passed the number on to Uncle and then said that he neednt use that number and lets wait for her safe return home. I was trying my best to soften the situation but they would know better of how to handle it than i would. I was feeling awkward- it was something i had never done before.

This post could raise mixed feelings in people.. But here goes... trying the best to keep things open is the best way out for most of the situtaion. If the issue is something that matters to the people around you then keeping it open is the best option. There is nothing wrong with fibbing, but this situation didnt seem like one that needed a lie this big. And more over , i didnt have a good feelin about the whole incident... something kept saying there is something wrong in this. There are situations where lieing is ok if your situation is real bad, but your sitation couldnt be better if your Father tells you that you can go, though i dont agree with you.
I hope she has a good time in Goa and comes back home safely.

Happy New Year

2007-01-01T00:00:00.000+05:30

My words are move through time ... and they read Happy new Year to every one reading this.
This is the first post for 2007. And I intend on keepin it going. :)

Beam me up, Mom. Energise.

2006-12-27T23:43:00.000+05:30

Today too i left for home from office at 9:00pm. And as i rose from my seat to go home... my forever wandering mind thought of the 'transporter' aboard the Star Ship Enterprise, the phrase 'beam me up', etc. I guess, i hoped that would have been my mode of transport home! Then i remember watchin on discovery that there was a team some where who were able to achieve this with simple atoms. I came to realise, how much this fictional technology appealed to me... the snazzy vehicals in sci-fi movies didnt seem raise a thougth in my head.. but the
'transporter' did.I came back home and as i had some work to do on my computer, i thought i might indulge in my fav hobby- googling. And here are some links that might interest
you... it explains Teleportaion.
Teleportaion Breakthrough http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/3811785.stm
How it will work http://www.howstuffworks.com/teleportation.htm
Explination http://www.its.caltech.edu/~qoptics/teleport.html
Can you imagine a regular house-hold conversation if this is ever possible? here is what i thougth up:
me:mom, beam me up.
(waiting. now doubtful) mom? mo-m?! r u there?
(Now demanding) i am ready!will you beam me home maaaa!
mom: can you learn to wait girl? WHAT all should i have to do at the same time?!!! cook, set the table,... I will HAVE to do everything...
me: OK! then ask someone else to do it! Whats Dad upto?!!!
(mumblin) Comforts of technology! my foot! had i left on one of those 2 wheeled things, i would have been home.
(back to talkin) maaaa, you need to be there till i get there in transportation room. I dont want to see 2 'me's like the other time. you know how much it cost us to get that resolved!

hey this is fun... you can add a few lines to this. Lets see if we can come up with a good story!

Quote Moi

2006-08-25T12:14:00.000+05:30

"Being too perfect is in itself an imperfection."- Neets

A Sketch - I am feeling good about

2006-08-15T23:29:00.000+05:30

A marinated chicken is the worst comparision I can make... but the prelude to how I got to draw this pic is something close to it.
I had this picture in my mind since a little more than a year( !! yes- >1yr). There are quirky moments where I get ideas out of the blue- to be able to put the scene in prespective... you can simply imagine me getting zapped by lightning on a warm sunny day(ridiculously impossible but ...). A particular corner of my mind is littered with some such pictures, pieces of rhyming lines and other ideas. I hadnt taken the courage to draw them cos I thought I could never draw them well.
Last Friday, I wasnt feeling well, so I decided to come home early from work and rest. I had planned on watchin an Italian movie in the evening with a couple of my friends but the lousy tummy ache foiled my plans. All disappointed and angry at how this ache screwed my evening and my attempts at taking a nap... I felt the urge to draw... and that toooo- this pic thats been lying around in the dusty attic of my intellectual abode. The time had arrived... it was time to bring it out to the material realm. (Thats a lil tooo much of language ... but let me show off a little bit here :D )
May be it was the stomach ache triggering some thing in my head... instead of tellin me to run for a tablet that would relieve me off this pain(I avoid tablets as much as possible), it was telling me to DRAW?!!! - this definitly indicates a wiring problem in my head.
My sketching skills have a tiny problem- I can do a pretty good job of everything but the face. I always have found drawing the face reaaaal difficult. But that evening , something swept over me and pushed me to just do it. And guess what? It turned out not too bad. I liked it. What do you think?

What could I be…

2006-07-16T00:52:00.000+05:30

The Karmic cycle is one of my fav concepts… it tries real hard at explaining every aspect that bogs us down in our mortal journey. Its something I don’t believe but would love to believe. To me all that I know is – if I am burnt then I turn to useless ash, if I am buried- then I rot – it would make more sense in doing that, if we could make good use of the rotting process, by growing something over me. That, figuratively, if not literally- is in some way- rebirth.
My idle mind today was in the mood to wander and ponder … may be trying to keep up with the intellectual big shots who visit my blog. How shallow?!!! :P
The theory of Karma, talks of rebirth – you can be reborn to be any other living thing- paramecium, jelly fish, hippo, crow, roach, lizard, upgraded-gorilla etc depending on what karma you carry in your goody bag. All these forms have a life to live out- a life in this big mean world where survival is the game you have to play. But lets go nuts like me, for a moment… what if the Karmic concept would let us take birth as non-living thing? Is there any non-living form that escapes the chance of being abused in the hand of time and ‘life’? Eraser, water, finger-nails, light, monitor, clutch plate, knife, water-purifier… everything is trying to out-live itself despite all the odds it faces. The only difference is that its odds of survival lies in our hands- how we make, design, use them. We steer our own lives and the lives of the ones who don’t have a life of their own. So in more than one way, a product you use or make talks a lot about you- they speak volumes. You give a good life to the non-living around you- it reflects on you. You design something to last longer and something that doesn’t demand its user to repent not being born to Einstein to use it… you have earned your karma- by giving that thing a chance to ‘live’ a better, longer life. But the non-living thing doesnt gather karma! My Karma Theory v 2- what a bummer!!
There is a lioness somewhere in Africa who has got many scientists scratching their heads- they say she is the weirdest example of adoption in Nature, cos she has adopted what she should have had for a nice meal- yes, she has adopted a oryx(related to gazelle). Its quite a sight watchin her nursing her little one. For a moment I wondered whether she was aware of the kind of global attention she is getting for free- glamour can be addictive, we know(if Tom could get to do the monkey-jump on Opera and earn months of mention in newspapers and magazines the world over- why cant she?!). Or was she interested in a homo-sapien-meal … being the weirdo she is, she could get a lot of juicy scientists closer. Or was she trying to gather karma by not washing down this one gazelle? Or is there a bollywood styled explination to this- she is possessed by the ‘aathma’ of the gazelles real mother (producers interested in making the touching movie- get in touch with me- the story is mine)! Or a lil more realistic- does she have a personality disorder? On a serious note- this was a full grown lioness, someone who chose to break away from her pride (herd), who chose to live in isolation to mother a gazelle. What was weird is that she shared the nurturing repsonsibilities with the real mother. It is the only example of adoption that is awe-inspiring. It was not a force of habit, but why?! I thought its humans who can make out-of the way choices since human-nature is so unpredictable and non-standardised(Now, you know the guy who made 6-zigma was smarter than God). But she has proved me wrong. I like to believe that she made a choice- something beyond my comprehension and leave it at that- sometimes somethings are a lot more beautiful when you least understand it.
I started with something…ended up saying something else. Feel like a kitten playing with a ball of wool. I am lost- can someone get me out of this mess? (you pull me through all this crap and now you want me to GET you out?!!!) OK, smart-aleck! I will find MY OWN WAY OUT!

Would you want Cecilia back?

2006-06-06T17:03:00.000+05:30

I have been listening to the song, ‘Cecilia’, by Simon and Garfunkle. It’s a song I heard in my PUC years, its brings a lot of good memories back- of the days the F’ing 7 rocked and ruled. We still do rock girls, but only better with time - like Wine.
The song is pretty funny, but after listening… I was wondering… would anyone want Cecilia back? Would you want Cecilia back if she cheated on you and would you be just as happy as the song says when shes back? I don’t think I would.

Where was I...

2006-05-09T22:57:00.000+05:30

So... where was I... WHERE WAS I ?!!!*frantic*
It happened on... God, I dont remember!!!!*frantic again* but they came ...I met so many of them, they wanted me to be one of them .... they took me there... The Gia...
This will shatter all the beliefs instilled in us by modern science- its not Venus that shines so bright in the night- its... its The Giant Disco Ball!! Think about it- how can Venus shine?!!- it has nothin shiny on it- does it?!!! And you thought people back on earth didnt know this?! Oooooh... yes they do. And America is behind it.
Rest of the story: They cut me open- I didnt bleed! They switched my brain with my kidney- I survived!!! For the matter of speaking,my stomach were in knots(vitual pain), but that wasnt enough, they tied them into reaaaaaal knots. It stopped hurtin! They dont eat, they only drink some green goo that shines flourocent pink in the dark and reads out the headlines for the hour- IntelliGoo is what they call it. By the end of the ordeal, I was drinkin thru my ears!!! There, they wax their heads!!! I begged them to spare me, it cost me quite a bit on Earth to get it to this stage, instead they could wax my hands and legs- they showed some mercy. They said, I could fly if I would glue their holy shimmering dust to my toe nails... did you know that fevicol had its biggest market there?!!! You wont believe this... the soul of their technical advancement is FEVICOL!! Their space ships are held together by it. Now you know where the export quality fevicol goes!!! I took off but didnt stay afloat for too long, they said I need to tweek my cochlea and signed me up for classes.
The instructor said his class was booked for 10 donkey's years to come. And thank God, they didnt have places to put me up temporatily . The council decided to send me on an assignment to Earth to check how I would fare here with my memory intact- They knew anyway none of you would believe me. But you will, wont you?! Believe me pleeeease! someone... anyone.... this is not 'another' abduction story.

Just in case some of you are dreaming of making millions makin a show on me... allow me to burst the bubble.... on a serious note ... I have changed my employer. Yesterday was my last day at my first job. Will write about it in the next post. I missed the bloggin world the most in this one month. How have you all been doing? whats up? Update me.

Ayyo Paaaapa!

2006-04-13T22:20:00.000+05:30

My hands are itching to write this. Its 10:19 pm, 13th Apr. One legend was released from the worldly life -Dr.Rajkumar was buried. Another star was realeased into life- Salman Khan. The cable operators have disconnected all channels except for Kannada and News channels to express respect to the Legend.
Whats pissing me off is what all the news channels have to say about Salman Khan(In my opinion, he is one of the smartest lookin heros we have in Bollywood.)- sounds as though he has been unjustly locked up.
With the recent news coverage on Salman, it was difficult to mistake it for the Indian Laughter Challenge. Why? Salman Khan gets away for running over a human being but gets jailed for shooting down an animal(an endangered specie)! I know life is life- be it man's/animal's but the legal systems around the world does draw a clear line of distinction between both. Living in a time where we have got to see innumerable people slip thru the hands of justice just because they have the weird smelling printed paper in their wallets. I was beginning to feel proud of the legal system when it took this bold step of booking Salman Khan. True that the legal system does try to act too much of a hero the moment a reel hero is on the other side of the law, but still I hoped that he would spend sometime in jail. Celebrities should be punished cos they are far more responsible for their actions as what they do sets an example to people who look up to them. I secretly wanted him to pay up for runnin over the street bum thru this sentence. But yet again influence and money has the final say. Wait and watch, the next thing you know, Abu Salem will be out- completely innocent or cos of failure in gathering concrete evidences against him or simply the 'poor' guy was framed.
U should listen to the compassion in the voices of the news readers and the reporters, "Aap ne theeeen din aur chaaaar raat guzari jail mein. Aap ko kaisa laga?"(you were in jail for threeee days and fooour nights! how did it feel?). Yeah right- it aches to watch a well manicured guy thru bars, what about people who have been waiting for more than decades living in a jail, with the benefit of not having to wear the uniform just cos they are waiting for their day at court that would deciede whether they have to wear the uniform (convict) or live outside a free person (innocent),branded a criminal thanxs to the time spent in jail. Salman was facing the music for somethin he had done in 1999/8. Yet again, this is an example of how slothful is the functioning of our legal system. With this kind of time lapse- people change, situations change, memory changes... what good is that for any investigation, for Pete sake?!!!!
"theen din ke liye Salman ko roti aur dal khani padi, jisme pathar thhe!" (For three days salman had to eat (what the other inmates have to eat)- roti and dal with lil gravel) Oh! how sad- somebody should have ordered him a lasagne! The media isnt still, making the right point there- be it a super star or a real criminal, food is a basic need just as cleanliness. This shows that conditions inside in the jail is absolutely inhumane- the legal system is responsible- they need to set that right. Its not sympathy for Salman you need here, its sympathy for those who might have to eat the same crap for a lifetime.
Dont read me wrong, I am not the kinds who would go out and call capital punishment a breach of human rights. A criminal is a criminal, he is in jail, isolated from society to pay the price for his doing, but that doesnt mean,they dont deserve any of the basic needs.
I dont know...I am in this mood... perhaps...I've been seein the same thing since morning- same scene, same news.
And to top it, all the violence thats been happenining in Bangalore in the name of the death of Dr.Rajkumar seems insane! Rajkumar died a natural death, what are the fans gonna get by destroying public property?! Fellow bangaloreans, do you think its really the fans who carry out these acts? I think its just anti-social elements who are just waiting for such occasions to come out and destroy anything thats not theirs- and how can cops put you behind bars for something that looks like the act of a mad crowd?!!! Sad is the way people find joy in destruction. Real sad.
To lighten up:

Freedom

2006-03-28T10:07:00.000+05:30

Its just minutes since I had commented on Vasu’s Douglas story…and I have just done something that makes me feeel soooooooo gooooooooooooood.

Yesterday I was watching some investigative documentary on NG .It was close to midnight when I heard something- it was coming from the dining. My maid, Maadhu and I looked at eachothers faces with contorted facial expressions as if to ask, ‘Did you hear that too?’. I am squintin at the dark dining area to see if I could make out whats making that toy-plane-propeller sound. Maadu too gets into investigative mode, and we discover that there has been an unlikely intruder into our home… a dragon fly.

Poor thing has been trying to release from our unintentional captivity. It would try hard to find a way out. It would try and try and try till it gets tired and rests a while before it starts to try all over again. Maadu opened her mouth to suggest that we kill it since its sittin on my dinin wall- our chance at putting an end to a 'threat'… Maadu was under the impression that it would bite… It reminded me thats what I thought when I saw a dragon fly for the first time when I was a kid. It pretty late for Maadhu to still have this misconception. The dragon fly’s size and unconventional looks, earns it wrong judgment … at least in the eyes of children. It cut Maadu short, just as my Mom did once upon a time, to educate her that it was harmless and that it would find its way out on its own. I get back to watching the program accompanied by the occasional sound of desire for liberation. The program comes to an end at half past 1 and I go to snuggle in bed. I go to wash my face and when I come back what do I see? The dragon fly is shifted the location of its search for freedom to my bedroom right next to the window. Its been able to locate the window in my room but cant get out since my dad has nailed down a net to prevent any mosquito attacks. That’s when I started wondering How did this dragon fly get in, in the first place?!!! My dad had turned this house into a fortress which protects its people from the irritating itchy-scratchy mosquito bites – leaving the windows in the hall, all the rest have immovable nets in place. The one in the hall, can slide to open and close. Though that window is open, the nets haven’t been opened since two days… then how did this big dragon fly get in? I should report this to my dad, to bring to his notice a possible leak in his design! Well any way, if the dragonfly was smart enough to locate my window, it would be smart enough to find the window in the hall… I go to sleep.

Come today morning and guess what?! I am busy checkin my mails and strolling thru the bloggo-vard in the morning, when I hear that familiar propeller sound again. The dragon fly has disappointed me… it hadn’t found its way out and is still trying at my window. This time you could make out that it was real tired trying all night. It must have been baffled at the thought , “There is a breeze hitting me, there is the smell of fruits and flowers, I can hear the call of my loved one… but why cant I get past this opening?”- sweetheart that’s simply cos your too big for it. I feel proud that it tried so hard yet so sorry that it hasn’t attained freedom. I want to see it free. I wonder whether there is a way I could guide it out. My brilliant brain thinks of a news paper. I strategise my plan of action: I would wait till its tired and lies on the floor, then I would scoop it up in the news paper and take it to the window in the sitting room and release it. But there might be a problem, the dragonfly might have the tendance to flutter and fly about if I have to carry her on the newspaper. So I polish the idea a lil further, and decide to roll the newspaper into a cylinder big enough to carry it safely without damaging its wings. But how do I get it into the cylinder? As if on cue, the dragonfly flies up to the window net and clutches on to it. I slowly approach her with my newly invented contraption and slowly and carefully get it to circle around our dragonfly. It feels a lil awkward ar first and refuses to get it, but it fights its apprehensions and decides to trust my design and settles in my dragonfly-carrier. I walk fast to the sitting room, careful not to shake and hoping that any insecurity in her/him wont prompt him/her to fly out of my ingenious design. I open the window with the suave and sophisticated ease of 007, then open up my dragonfly-carrier out to the skies. With no shadow of doubt, wasting no time the dragonfly flies out to settle on a tree nearby. Along with it, something in me found release too, something burst out… I don’t know what it exactly was…joy, relief, pride, but by the time its effects rippled to my face, it formed a smile that would make my orthodontist proud (since that would save him and me the trouble of putting a stent-like thing into my mouth to keep it wide open). But why the hell bother on trying to dissect and bisect the feeling?.. all that matters is that it felt GOOD.
The halo around my horns is eye-blinding, today. :) Bonjour, mes amis!

Any takers for Heaven?

2006-03-20T17:47:00.000+05:30

Do you believe in heaven?

yes - do you think you'll get to go there? what do u believe its like?
no - why not?
then what about hell- is it there too?

Aksar hota hai

2006-03-16T11:51:00.000+05:30

My thanks to Jaya sweety, Rusty and Vampy, I have revamped my poem, with their help. Thanks guys, u are simply amazing.

Joojhne se thak gaya hai yeh dil
Keh raha hai mujhse
Vahan pahunchna hoga mushkil.
Bujhaa de khwahishein apni,
Haath mein nahi aane wali yeh manzil"

Khuda na khastaa
Yeh meri aakhiri ho

Har kisiko hoti hai taklifein
Uth.Uth ke chal
Kam karde ye doorian, yeh faaslein
Rokta tumhe kaun hai?
Raah teri dekh rahe hai yeh raastein

Khuda na khastaa
Yeh teri aakhiri ho

Himmat de nahi rahi hai mera saath
Akeli hoon, phir bhi
Yeh kaun kar raha hai mujhse baat?
Aur koi nahi ,aks hoon teraa
Maukaa ab hai ,bada raha hu haath.

Khuda na khastaa
Yeh humari aakhiri ho

Darr aur taaqat, sab the mere apne
Ruki main kyun?!!
Be-jhijak dekhungi khoob, ab, sapne
Rokungi nahi khudko,
Jo bhi ho, karoongi uska samna

Khuda na khastaa
Yeh meri aakhiri ho

Ahem ahem... I am brave

2006-03-13T10:13:00.000+05:30

Yes I am . Cos I have the audacity to do this. to write a poem ... yeah, I have written one in 6-7 other instances in my life but never ever one in hindi- or is it Urdu! Yes, this is my first ever attempt. *claps with an affirming nod*
How did this happen? My blogroll will tell you that I have been paying a lot of visits to some talented poets and poet-esses . And somehow some of it has rubbed off on me. I cant seem to stop this giggle that bubbling inside me... its ludicrous considering my natural 'talent' in Hindi/urdu ... i know how much of a 'trapeze act' my hindi paper was! I survived it , thanks to the saftey net.
So here goes my dear fellas... feel free to suggest better words, correct me, pour out your opinions ... or else you could overlook it all, labellin it poetic license. hee hee heee he *the halo around my horns glisten*

Joonjne se thak gaya hai yeh dil
Keh raha hai mujse
"Vahan pohonchna hoga mushkil.
Bhujhade khwaishen theri,
Haath mein nahi anewali yeh manzil"

Khuda na khastha
Yeh meri akhri ho

Har kisiko hoti hai thaklifen
Ut.Ut ke chal
Kum karde ye doorian, yeh fasilen
Rukta tumhe kaun hai?
Raah their dekh rahi hai ye raasten

Khuda na khastha
Yeh teri akhri ho

Himmat de nahi rahi hai meri saath
Akeli hoon, phir bhi
Yeh kaun kar raha hai mujhse bath?
Aur koi nahi ,Dimag hoon thera
Moqa ab hai ,badha rahahoo haath.

Khuda na khastha
Yeh humari akhri ho

Dar aur thakat, sub the mere apne
Ruki main kyun?!!
Be jhijak dekoongi khoob, ab, sapne
Rukvaoongi nahi khudko,
Jo bhi ho, karooni uski amne-samne.

Khuda na khastha
Yeh meri akhri ho

to my friends who dont know Hindi- i will soon try to come up with an eng equivalent. or if i fail to do that ... will simple post the translation here :)

Blank Noise Project Blogathon- 7th March

2006-03-07T15:29:00.001+05:30

The Blank Noise Project was started by Jasmeen Patheja, an artist from Bangalore, to examine the occurances of non-gender-specific street-harassment -harassed(physical/verbal), pushed around, felt up or assaulted .
I am showing my solidarity, thru this post.
We all have been thru it. I know, I have. I hope I could be as courgeous as the other women takin part in this blogathon and write about all my experiances... but , personally, I find it real difficult. The experiances I've had in my school days, are etched into my mind more than the grown-up years - primarily cos you dont know what that experiance can be called back then but you sense that something isnt right and you want to be home to tell Mom about this. When you've grown up you have learnt to deal with these situations in some way. Its another thing that I have been brave through most of these instances. No matter how difficult it was I have come home and told about it to my Mom and Dad. But no matter how iron gloved you may seem from the outside any kind of harassment you encounter while you least expect it, especially when you are doing somethin or wearin somethin that you would have thought in no way would provoke or call for unwanted attention- walk to your home, wear an old loose salwar - home wear perhaps, jeans and a loose T shirt, waiting for the bus, etc.
You go thru an emotional hurricane at the thought of those instances. They are common experiances that women around the world have had, all my friends have had. The last time I had been thru an experiance about 6 years ago when I had been to an exhibition with my mom. I will try to fight my inhibition and write about this lousy experiance. Some bastard in the crowd was pinching my arm and everytime I turned around I couldnt make out this S.O.B. What was I wearing?- a cotton shirt from fabIndia and a pair of old jeans .Then when I moved to another stall, I pretended to be paying attention to the sales guy, while my attention was all on my back and my eyes was looking thru its corners to corner the bastard. I did. I spotted the asshole, I gave him a face-to-face stare . Showed the scum-bag to my Mom. Thought that should be enough to discourage him. But no. He has all the guts in the world to come get another pinch, this time my Mom gave him a reading in full view of the public... even then you should have seen the nerve he had to say , "What did I do Madam?" but his eyes hung in shame while his filthy mouth did the blabber- watchin those eyes were enough for me. F***in Asshole! I am sorry that there has been a lot of swear words in this para- but I hope you can understand my feelings!
I am with the Blank Noise Prject but have a few differences. Agreed that for these sickos it doesnt mater if your wearing a two-piece bikini or clad in a burkha- they will still letch. But, I strongly support, responsible dressing. You have to dress appropriate for the occasion, for the crowd, for the time. Would you attend aboard meeting in a glamorous night gown? Would you prepare a presentation of the expert-level, while it was to be delivered to a crowd of newbies? Would you go clubbing in formal attire? Just like that we women just cant claim to be victims by leaving the onus on the letcher. There are some cases where the uncomforable situation could have been avoided- avoid DOES NOT MEAN LET THESE CREAPS DO THEIR THING AND LET US, THE VICTIMS, GO SILENTLY PUT UP WITH IT OR TAKE GUILT OF ANY KIND, FOR THE WRONG REASONS. I hope I am commin across very clear. Yes, this does reflect on the mental make up of the society we live in. If a guy has lost the ability to look at a woman as just another person, I believe then his parents and bringing up ,might have had a lapse. I am not supporting or finding reasons to justify such bastards, but I am trying to say that every mother has the responsibility of teaching her son the value of another woman.
Its very evidant with the changin times that people(man/women) dont feel safe around people(man/women). The picture of a woman is synonymous with the word 'vitim'. But how wrong an impression is that today cos victims of such harassment arent just women, there are men too. The same goes for the perpetrators.I would like to know if there are people (men/women) who would like to share their experiances? Is the effect of such an occurace just as damaging on the psych when the victim is a man? People, please speak up- u can chose to remain anonymous... but please do make your selves heard.
Here are some more experiances that I have read.
Bilbo
Megha Krishnan (Thanks to you Megha, I knew about this blogathon )
Find more on Blank Noise Project's site

Tagged:

2006-03-04T17:12:00.000+05:30

Been tagged twice. Here are the lists:

Dream partner's traits List (hopefully these traits exist in me too ) tagged by RoadBlogger:
1)A friend, someone I am at ease with. Where I dont have to put up being someone I am not.
2)loves me for the nut I am, and can do that job for a life time.
3)someone who will be there by me for all my endevours, just as i would be, for him .
4)grow to love, understand and respect eachother. acknowledge eachother.
5)someone who will cook and wash the dishes with me, and while we are at it bray a few numbers or discuss news :P
6)someone who believes that each day has all the time you want, to do what you want - paint, sing, dance, go on a trip... all it needs is plannin and the want to do it. i dont have this quality right now, but i am trying to develop it.
7)someone who will be honest and mature enought make a clean breast of any issue that bothers him before the day ends.
8) marriage is a team work and for it to work well, both people should be sensitive to eachother's needs and concerns. just like that, love too needs constant working on it.
9)listening, just lending a ear is a key skill needed in any marriage. someone who is willin to hear you out, when thats just what you need more than anything else.
10)we should be able to enjoy a few common things. in a busy life, its when you can enjoy common things that you can connect.
11) values commitment. and should be able to give eachother our own breathing space. and stands by his beliefs and lemme stand by my own.
i think that kinda covers it.

Here are the people I am gonna tag. so start listing out the qualities you'd like to see in your perfect Lover :
1)Vivek
2)Rusty
3)Stellar
4)Vasu
5)Priyamvadha
6)Enemy of Republic

Hate List tagged by Enemy of the Republic:
1) Hypocrites- no explination needed. They are the superstars in anybody's hate list!
2) Fakers- agreed that u need some amt of acting to survive. But could never understand and like people who are actors from the time they get off their beds till they are back in them. Chameleons.
3) People who want to be heard more than hear others. These are the wrong people to go to when all you want is a willing ear.
4) Dictators
5) Prejudists, judgmental people who think they 'know' the person without giving a chance. Amateur psychics
6) Back stabbing- these are mostly people who come under category 2-Fakers but are pretty well equipped to give you a fatal blow out of the blue.
7) Picturisation of item numbers and movies that are like a 3hr long item number- it makes me wonder, has the censor board been desensitized with all the skin show? They censor and make a ruckus for all the weirdest things and when they need to pay attention and do something… they are paying attention and doing something –DROOLING.
8) People who cant smile- esp Govt. and bank employees. People who’s sloppy muscles can't manage to pull up their sleeves and conjure a smile.
9) Compulsive flirts.
10) Aishwarya is a very graceful woman but i hate all the hype that surrounds here.
11) hate seeing people litter the roads."paper is bio-degradable anyway!".- yeah, so lets dump it in your neighbourhood. it will be one hellufa sight.
12) Hurt my brother- then you're in the hate list too.

here is the other taglist. List out all that you hate... keep it commin:
1)Me too
2)Siri
3)RoadBlogger
4)xFreaKX
5)Malu
6)Kuttichuvaru

Recently I had done the Myer-Brigg's Test after about 2 years. Test tells you what your personality is at that point in time by classifying a person's preferences on a bi polar scales:(1) extraversion/introversion, (2) sensate/intuitive, (3) thinking/feeling, and (4) judging/perceiving. A combination of these scales result in 16 personality profiles. Here is what the test had to say about me, this time : i am ENFP type (Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving).
Description 1
Description 2
Ucan go ahead and have some fun doing the test here

Beyond getting tagged

2006-02-24T20:24:00.000+05:30

I have been tagged by two people - RoadBlogger asks me to list out what I would like to see in my love interest and EnemyOfRepublic wants me to list out the things I hate. Ironically, both are what would be asked of you when you meet a prospective groom, in the Indian scenario.
I would like to write this post smiling but I am not in the position to. I am experiencing the pressure that a normal Indian girl would. Parents are getting worried. They are hoping that they will find a guy who would match their parameters and that I would like him. When they started their search I wasn't one bit keen on getting married- that has changed a very tiny bit now. From 'I don't want to marry', now, I want to marry only once I am totally convinced that this is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with and when I know that he likes me the way I am. But in time I have learnt that there never might be a moment where I will enjoy that level of conviction. My problem is perhaps that I am not able to come into terms with the previous statement. And while that bothers me, it doesn't make things any better to know that your poor folks are anxious. Your heart and mind becomes one big mess. In fact its so disturbing that it could screw up your peace of mind for days to come. And as you try hard to forget about it and move on, there will be a moment where your folk's anxiety surfaces on their face or its time for that lecture on, 'you need to settle down'. I haven't cared to know what were the problems my folks were facing while hunting for 'the guy'. And why should I? I am not the one who's dying to marry? And even while I ask these questions in annoyance, I feel sorry for my parents. I understand they have a responsibility as parents and that they are doing their part. Recently in a heart-to-heart talk with my mom, I was oriented towards the problems they faced. I feel worse now. But these are problems that all the groom-searching families are going thru. My parents are firm God believer, but doesn't the stress they put them selves thru, prove that fact wrong? Why worry when you have faith in God? It will happen when and if it needs to. I feel sorry that they got a girl who just can't swallow the marriage pill that easily. I don't know if something's wrong with me… cos I have seen a lot of girls who have been able to take it easy. Sometimes I wish I could push my self to blindly accept a guy they point at. But I really, truly can't! Then that would be a favour I would do for my parents. I could do that favour today but I would have to live with that favour for a lifetime. I know that that's not what my folks want either.
Till 3-4 yrs ago, I didn't really think much about love - the kind that you would feel for someone who is not a part of your family, yet is neither a stranger nor a friend. Frankly, I did not have any regard or appreciation for this emotion. I had looked down upon it, till I passed out of college. Funny, thinking of it now, cos campus is the best place to hear and know of love stories. But somehow I couldn't appreciate what I saw on campus- people faking it, people who were in love cos it was a fad, people who thought of it as a time filler, etc. All thru my campus years, I have relaxed, sat back and laughed at each one of these lovey-dovey couples. After I passed out, I was surrounded with friends both at office and outside who were in love (arranged & love). That's when I was initiated to the inside story of the love scam. I learnt that love is a powerful currency. When two people exchange it, both become rich- rich in confidence, strength, faith, courage, peace and experience. It has the power to transform people to an extent they would have never thought possible before- for good or bad. Today, it gives me joy to see people who enjoy each others company, who are there for each other, who fight like cats and dogs but get over it to be sweet as chocolate-vanilla ice cream, who learn and mature together, who like each other for all the good and bad in them, who are aware that love need to be constantly worked on and that they would have to do it together. That's what I would want to feel when I decide to enter wedlock. Now I am wondering whether that's too much to ask for?
I really hope there are other girls who are going thru the same problem. I want to know how they are faring. I don’t know if its been stupid of me to write this. I don't even know if this post was worth publishing but anyway I am just gonna do it. Or do I need to visit a shrink? Its been a long blabber already. Think I will write the tag-list tomorrow.

KAKABE:And it happened for real !

2006-02-15T13:16:00.000+05:30

JUST CHECKIN HOW AN IMG UPLOAD WORKS.AND PLS DONT ASK ME, 'WHO IS THAT?', COS THATS ME
I should have posted this earlier, but life at office and home didn’t let me… so here goes.

So my alter ego- a unrelenting trekker, has finally been unleashed thanks to the joint initiatives of my 3 hard-core adventurists friends. And no shrink in the world can stop me now ! *wicked laugh*
The dude who arranged the trek, Malu, calls me the night before the saturday we were supposed to leave and says,(NOTE: read the dots as seconds of silence)"Nita,..aa.. about the trek on Satureday.....*laughs* is on. we will come somewhere between 6:30 and 7". Needless to say, by the time 3/5 seconds after the 'Satureday' was up, i was mentally prepared to gracefully accept that this TOOOO wasnt gonna happen. This time around i had made up my mind to not get too excited about anything. The packing was over like a breeze. I usually have a habit since child hood to walk a lil faster and to overtake the group with whom i am walking. My mom warned me not to do that and that i should always be with the group no matter what. Now read further to laugh at my gift at 'walking fast'.
To tell you the truth, it was a good thing that I kept my emotions under check. I had prepared to face all possible scenarios that would stop me from going. So unless I and my brother were in the cab and the cab was visibly moving out of bangalore- i wasnt gonna let destiny fool me into thinkin that this was gonna happen.
I was my organised-best on Saturday, 11th Feb. 06 morning. Woke up at 5, had a good warm bath in the chill morning and changed into my 'departure clothes', checked everything one last time. Pestered my brother till he was dressed to leave. the threesome- Malhar,Raksha(Mrs.Malhar) and Vivek landed at our place at about 7-7:30. We soon bid our goodbyes to my parents and left for what would become my and my brother's first trek.
The travel was nice for a couple of reasons:
a)we travelled in an ambassdor after more than a decade. Nostalgia swept over –reminded us of school days when we would comeback to India to meet our cousins. The huge ambassdor was our 'vahan'. It brought back a lot of nice memories.
b)I got to see the south part of bangalore- which I had never seen or visited. It felt like steppin into another town. It seemed nothing like the cosmopolitan half i come from.
c)stopped over at a tiny restaurant where they served 2nd and 3rd generation customers with the same delicious idlies they served the previous generations with. Absolutely heavenly idlies- it makes you wish that the restauranter be blessed with eternal life so that he may be able to give the commin generations the same Yummy ....*sigh*
d)reached virajpet at lunch time. Set out to find a Ragavendra mess... the search turned out to be one big mess thanks to a couple of people who took us out on a tour of a different kind:(1)A generous cop tried to help us and we wanted to dole out some ungrateful swears in return.(2)Then there were some local college kids who would answer in hindi in response to our queries in kannada. As if that wasnt enough, they were eager in sending us on a merry-go-round ride. We filled our tanks else where, anyway.

Around 3/3:30pm we reached our final destination in Kakabe, the residence of Sagar Ganapathy , the generously hospitable host and the Commander and Chief of the Jungle Mount Trekking. New or old to adventure sports -he and his trusted right-hand, the affable- Dr.Topaz(urf Uncle Topaz) will do everything to turn you into a fun loving challenger.
The first thing on our agenda was to dive into the stream that’s just a stone-throw away from Sagar's home. We marched-on guided by two smart dogs to find a tiny lil dock snuggled in a veil of greens .It was a bright and sunny day but the water was sOoOoO IcY! Malu was the first to get into the water. The rest of us did some Kayaking- which I absolutely loved. My brother and I did pretty well together. We wondered it might have had something to do with our place of origin- Allepey/Allapuzha - the Venice of India, the place famous for its gigantic boats, boat races and back waters. Quirky way of thinking- but thats us! :) Shivering, Malu had enough of trying to warm the water, so he decided to join Viv and Raksha on their canoe. They had a great time documenting their zigzag travels thru the stream. After that, Raksha and I dived into the water to have some fun but getting out of it was more than torture. We were a lil short of turning into icicles! The only wise man who wasnt wet was- Vivek.

That night we were to join a team of 16 guys from AOL for a 12 km night trek on the second highest peak in Coorg - our (me,my brother) first ever trek. We were strictly told to carry only the necessary- meds, water, glucose. We were handed a torch each and given instruction to use it to the minimum. By the time I had reached Coorg I had already suffered 2 wheezing attacks. Now, at 7/7:30pm we are about to leave for our adventurous night trek, and I was having my 3rd attack. I prayed things wouldn’t get worse during the hike. It was a beautiful full moon night. We were geared to face the chill winds. Sagar and uncle Topaz shepherded us onto their Mahindra pickup- yes, all 21 of us, and took us on a very slow but exciting ride in complete darkness without the headlights,negotiating the narrow roads and the hair-pin curves to a certain point on the mountain from where we had to start our trek. When we got to the designated spot, we started marching. I hadn’t gone more than 20 steps, I was close to being breathless, plus, my legs started aching. But I went on… I pushed. I couldn’t keep up with my pals and my brother. But I refused to stop. My brother could see that I was not doing so well. Finally my body gave up, I stopped. And my sweet lil brother stopped to be there by my side. I sat for 3-4 min and the moment I felt a lil better, my muscles would get back to charging towards the summit. Every part of my body wanted to get there and I was determined that I would make it no matter what. But it looked like my lungs were the only rebellion. Two muslin bags would have worked better than them! The trail was narrow, just wide enough to keep your feet side-by-side and at times the path would run along the edge of the mountain- meaning you step centimeters off from the unevenly-floored trail, you would save on some funeral money! Our walk to the top was interrupted an umpteen number of times thanks to my under performing lungs. I would take a puff of my inhaler when needed and move on. I was such a slow coach. I felt shitty that I slowed down my lil brother though he so happily stood by me all thru the trying trek. Though he suffered from wheezing too, his lungs were real happy being in Coorg, they ran in top gear. He didn’t suffer a single attack. My poor mom’s admonishments went wasted; I was so slow that at many points on our trek we were the only people on a trail. Finally we were one of the last people to get there – the summit. We met our friends, we sat there dangling our legs from the cliff ledge. No description can beat what you experience on the top… and may be my description will fall short of what my eyes met. Its an amazing site watching the ghostly mountains in the moon light. You feel a oneness with all that’s black and dark, the graceful stillness and the whispering wind. And yes, you can see lots in the darkness…lots. I only hoped I could have enjoyed it better, without the strain I experienced with my wheezing bouts. It took us about 3 hrs to get there and were there for hardly 10 min! I hadn’t had enough of it. I hated having to leave, but we did. My lungs gave-in to my intention and cooperated on my way downhill. This time I made it a lil faster than my travel up and my brother got to do what he enjoyed… moving at his own pace… which is fast. And I hated that cos I was worried what if he slipped – he’d need someone near him to catch him… yeah yeah… I am the old fashioned sister you wouldn’t want to have. We and our friends were the first people to reach the holy pick-up truck. We were dying to dive into food .The rest of the team arrives almost 45 min later. We had a sumptuous dinner and went to bed. It was so bloody cold; I didn’t think I would wake to see my toes still attached to my feet!
That night I was a lil depressed. The trek in some way was like a search for some truth… about your self. A trek can give more ans than you would if you’d go to a place of worship- if the question was about your self and not about the stock market or your mother-in-law. I learnt a lot about my self that night.

Come next day- 12th Feb 2006, we were so dog-tired that we woke up at around 12 pm! We washed down some brunch and decided to go rock climbing to Dandi Falls. We set out at about 1, accompanied by a sweet young chap, Sajjan- a professional rock climber. We had to do some walking before getting to the small yet elegant falls. yes I was slow as ever. And yes my lungs didn’t quite like the idea and expressed it freely. But unlike the last time I didn’t fight, I negotiated. I moved at my own sweet pace… this time I looked around me, admired the sunlight stream down thru the tall trees, the creeping pepper plant, the shorty coffee plants, the pungent cardamom, listening to the gurgling streams as if to say, “Ok. Go ahead do your thing. And I will do mine. I will enjoy.” When we came up to the fall, it was the simple water fall you'd like to have your cottage by. We climbed till what we can call the second level and the only one with the zest to go further was raksha. The rest of us sat leisurely on massive boulders drinking off from the clear tumbling water- the sweetest ever. We were concerned with being able to leave for home by 3/4 pm. I knew if I climbed any further at my pace then we all would have to leave for home the next day! The proficient climber raksha was, she came back soon and then we started our descend. I enjoyed the rock climing more than the trek. Its like poetry or any artistic expression-free to interpretation. You could be short or tall, it wouldn’t matter, the destination is the same but how you get there is up to you, you make your own path. You have to find patterns and follow them. This time on our way back to the ambassador we came in, we – the women ,of course, plucked off what fancied us – pepper, but for two varied reasons. I wanted my mom to make a chutney I love so verrrry much and raksha, to give birth to an artistic creation. I wonder what stage would it be in right now? My mom decided to make a pickle of my pepper. I love that too, so me verrry happy. One of the things I enjoyed watching while walking back was how malu was helping raksha with plucking and carrying the pepper. While he was at it he kept cribbing with a smile and talking big about his generous services- all cos he was carrying pepper for his lady love. Entertainin to watch the lady's retorts too. Nice to see people in love. We got back to the car, drove to Sagar’s place, ate our delicious lunch, packed in a jiffy , thanked and bid our farewells to the Ganapathis and set home ward bound. The travel back home was fun. We entertained our selves with music from our mobiles. When we passed thru the rajiv Gandhi national park we all peered our eyes out into the dark hoping to see some animal.We had no high hopes but raksha- optimistic as ever- hoped to see any one from the big cat family or else at least a massive pachyderm. All we saw was the ghostly figure of a Samba deer, majestically standing by the road. We stopped at a restaurant which supposedly served ‘food’, we left paying an amount as big as our dissatisfaction. When we reached bangalore it was just past midnight, I think. They first dropped us home. It felt good to be back home- not just cos we were back home, but cos we were back home after doing something we so wanted to do. We owe a big one to the threesome and of course our parents who fought with their fears and let us go on this trek. I hope this has prepared them to handle it better the next time ! heehehee yep there is gonna be a next time and Insha-allah very soon. I have left a part of me in coorg and have to go get it back. But I have a feelin that I will end up finding more happiness,wisdom and strength and leave some more of my self there.

Things I feel good about, lessons learnt ,wants:
1) I did that trek despite all discomfort- so I have it in me to go on. Not bad!
2) One photograph I took while liberally clicking away in Vivek’s camera- a tiny stream lined with greens rolling thru lil rocks, while the sun shone thru the leaves- proud of it.
3) The rubber-soled lee cooper formal wear was good only if I was gonna attend a conference on top of a cliff. So get some decent sneakers the next time.
4) Get that lazy ass to exercise!
5) i'd like to do the trek again but in day time. want to see the hills ans green in the day.
6) next time take more pepper home

So that was the story of our first trek- the longest ever post I have written. I will try to limit the length the next time.

In the love of God.

2006-01-28T22:16:00.001+05:30

Bangalore is my home. This is where I have my family and friends. This is where I studied. This is where I work. This is where I grew. I am pissed with a lot of things in life and with the way things move here... so,will I blow up or hurt people ? Cant even think of doing something like that!!!
But I personally know a lot of people who would have the same thing to say about bangalore and still be able to say ,"All fair in jihad". Bangalore has been my home for just close to a decade, and these are people who were born here.
My genial demeanor at college and a mouth with an under-developed filter system would promptly pop questions to people(were and still are my friends) who would support Bin Laden, as though i was a reporter who lost her way into an engineering college. It was only an attempt at trying to understand their point of view. Why would people think it was ok to kill others ? In the name of what? Were they feeling left out or something? And the grand finale would arrive with the no-answers-question: "Are you saying that, its ok with you if these guys came and bombed some place near your home or our college? that you would completely understand, their cause and deal with your loss ?". In the end, I felt that even these people wouldnt have thought all too far them selves, they are just emotionally charged, and nothing more- given a chance, I dont think these people could think of anything that could harm the people around them.
But now, since the 28th Dec shoot out at IISc, I am afraid that I'd have to rethink on my opinion, that people couldnt bring any harm to the people they lived with, laughed with, cried with... cos the 2 people caught were both Indians and Key people in LeT's operations in South India- one from Karnataka and the other from Andhra Pradesh. Its the first incident of terrorist activity in Bangalore. We bangaloreans have always thanked our stars that bangalore has always had good tolerance for communal problems. But with this shoot out... its become evident that bangalore will be the focus of terrorist operations. Our lives from now on will change for ever, and the people responsible might (only MIGHT) be someone we know, or someone we might pass by on the road or even worse- someone you hug and wish on Id and wash down delicious biryani and kababs with. This doesnt mean i distrust the people around me but in the back of my mind, there will be a tiny voice that whispers this fear everytime another such incident happens in bangalore- my home.
How can people ever think of standing by somethin so atrocious ? In their homeland? HOW?HOW?HOW?!!! What could make them think like this? Why are these people hell-bent on tarnishing their own image? Islam preaches tolerance. Then why this intolerance, and towards what? this is not just the case with India ... why are they against the whole wide worlds... which part of this world isnt singed by their mindless hatred? Fundamentally what all religions preach are all the same- dont kill, dont steal, dont lie, dont cheat... the path to riteousness. How will Allah, the most Graceous, the most Merciful forgive these blind people for breaching all these basic values in His name?
Man- black, brown, white, super-white, yellow, purple or what ever.... arab, african, finnish, american, afghani, pakistani, scandinavian, indian, british, french, croatian, somalian, japanese... all have basic needs... food, water, shelter, clothing- without which none of these people can survive. its only if people can survive that they can fight for secondary needs- rights and freedom. For which of these reasons are the jihadis fighting the whole world for? Causing such unecessary pain to people who have nothing to do with them? Do they have a clue as to how much their actions impact the lives of innocent muslim brothers who live in the countries they attack? how I wish these emotionally charged men and women could declare jehad(meaning: striving or determined effort) upon them selves and put some thought into what they are doing and for what? how I hope they could see the ulterior motives of the people who key the dolls of destruction?
India is a nation that looses thousands and thousands of people every single year to terrorism more frequently than many of the western nations. So, shall we just order our soldiers to go and bomb the concerned nations and occupy them- i know they would be more than willin to do it, at least their families can have some peace of mind then- a mother wouldnt have to experiance the agony of waiting for her son, a wife wouldnt have TO train her self everyday to deal with a possible news that her husband was tortured and killed? If we did then how different would we be from the jihadis? we would live upto the cliche "Fighting for peace". Leaving innocent people of another nation in more misery and agony.
India's problem now is that these organisations are using Indians against India. There itself,it indirectly points to the fact that people take their freedom for granted and fall prey to jehadi-brain-wash specialists just cos they cant appreciate the freedom they have every right to. This applies to fundamentalist of any community... Hindu, Christian, Sikh, etc.
But why this lack of appreciation for freedom? Cos we are blissfully oblivious to the fact of how many men and women and their families are making compromises day-in & day-out to protect this freedom.
What i am going to tell you now is someting thats been on my mind since years. And i want your views on the topic...
I think compulsory participation in the army should be expected from the people of the nation... could be for a short while 2/3/4/5 years , but it shouldnt be voluntary but compulsory- i feel its only then that people will feel more responsible towards their home. If they understand what it costs them to keep it safe, then they will realise there is nothing in the world that can out-weigh that cost. Its similar in principle to having share in a company- you have right to know and perform in it, cos you have a stake in it. Along with it, will have to change our education system- a system that will support the growth of such responsiblities in young minds along with their academics.
I am not addressing the topic terrorism directly here. And it isnt my intention. I am addressing our disregard for the freedom thats bestowed upon us. I have only used the extreme case of the shoot out, as a means to get to here. Share your views...

Viva BMC!

2006-01-06T13:33:00.000+05:30

BMC has been running on top gear , fuelled by all the complaints that we, its proud residents, Bangaloreans have been hurling at them. So rightfully,their asses have been on fire and its challenged them so much, that they woke up and in their sleepy stupor challenged the Bangaloreans back... "We are starting a competetion. If ever, you find a pot hole we will pay you Rs.100". The morning I read that in the papers, I told my dad that I plan on quitting and sitting at home. I had found my route to being a millionare. But my hopes , and as I learnt later, many others' hopes too were crushed when BMP decided to add some clarity to the definition of the competetion, which was, '...this is valid only from a date we will declare, till a specific time.' As you noticed the specific time is not defined.
So I resorted to the only option I had ,breath a heavy sigh, stay employed and then wait to see what the BMC would do.Its been about 1 month since their ultimate challenge.
I should admit, I am impressed with speed at which BMC addressed the issue. Everyday when i ride back home, I am surprised with convex fixtures replacing the old concave one ,esp the 'off-road' road at the trinity circle near the petrol bunk. Do you find some on your way home /work too? Is it a pleasant surprise? Well, I need to ask my back who had to bear the brunt of the fantastic design... mmm, it says that its better than before.
Now picture your favourite junction or circle. Now see the same junction from a bird's eye view. Doesnt it make you proud- the abstract combination of different grays so beautifully woven... what textures,what planning,what colours... it can beat the best quilt-of-the-year any day! I am sure the BMC are proud too. What they have achieved in the last one month is no achievement since its no different from the good old shoddy job they were always good at. The only difference is that this time they were super fast with their lousy job. This is the same bloody patchwork they have always been doing since years- patches that last not more than a couple of months.
Can the BMC declare the duration of the contest as atleast two year?
Can they ever build a road that will last for atleast 2-3 years with no repairs?
Can they build a road and guarantee 'no pot-holes' for 2-3 years?
I am fed up and angry when i see our money being spent so badly in the pretext of serving us. Does it come any where close to serving the purpose it was destined to when we paid our taxes?!!
My dream road is a small stretch of the Golden Quadrangle that I have driven on while travelling to Kerala. I remember my brother telling me that that stretch,which felt like the path to paradise,was built by Larsen and Toubro. I know now that they(L&T) will for sure have a place in heaven- God could use their services. When ever I hit the roads in Bangalore,there is not a day that I dont yearn for a road as heavenly as that one.

I want you people to tell me why do you think that these asses have the audicity to put up such a bad show using our money?!! Please for the sake of your backbone!

Touch and go...

2005-12-31T00:28:00.000+05:30

7:48pm 30th Dec
its half an hr past the news of the trek being cancelled. Poor Raksha's having high fever. I know,she herself must have been looking forward to it so much that she put up with all the discomfort for so long! And to top it , both Malu and Raksha plan on hosting a party at their place tomorrow. Thats so sweet of them to arrange a celebration for us, but I think some rest is what she needs now. Hosting a party is a lot of effort. May be i'll try going a lil early to help them out- if i am going.
8:10pm 30th dec
Sometimes when I am all low I talk crap about destiny. And I am gonna do it now. I am writting just to feel a lil better . its boring and I suggest you dont read further. I warn you this is gonna be the typical long boring me.
I have always loved walking and climbing in places blessed with the bounty of nature. No. I am not athletic - as a matter of fact- I am pathetically slow,get tired soon and suffer from wheezing. The first time I got to hear of the four lettered word... 'trek' is in my pre-university years when the college union decided to start the Trekking Club and I instantly fell in love with the idea of walking thru the wilderness. I and my hand jumped up to figuratively proclaim, 'count me in'. I actively took part in planning out the first trek . All set,now we needed to get the consent form signed. Thats where I faced unforseen problem- OK...I agree , I was stupid I didnt see it comin - my parents like many other Indian parents were terrified. I asked...they said no...I didnt try to convince...they didnt sign ... I didnt go. I was terribly disappointed. I wept an incy bit in the tear-chamber (for all of you out there,thats the bathroom). Listened to all the stories the others had to say when they came back. I diligently attended all the meeting but didnt take part in arranging a trek ever again. Then the next trek came around, again I went with the consent letter . This time I guess my folks felt sorry for me and made a consession- I can go only if one of my friends went. All my pals who went for the first trip decided not to for the second. Then one of our family friends was trying to find someone to go with her daughter, who incidentally was studying with me ... but the story at their end was a lil different. Prathibha's parents were more than willing to send her, but the clever babe pulled a trick so that she wouldnt have to be sent for the trek. She said,'OK!OK! I'll go only if i have a friend to go with me!', very well knowing that no one from her gang was interested. With her Mom and Dad being hell bent on tryin to foil her plans, my hopes of finally getting to go,were soaring high. To my joy and to her diappointment both our parents signed the consent letters. The night before the morning we had to leave, I dont need to tell you,I was experiencing euphoric highs. But then our lady,Prathibha did something that I couldnt- she put her foot down that night and told her parents that she didnt want to go. She won , I lost. I was angry not at Prathibha or my parents but at my self- for pumping up my hopes so high. I failed my self... I failed to understand that this was something that I perhaps would never be able to do. Though my folks were relieved, i guess it was evident to them that i was just sad that i couldnt go. But they wouldnt know that i gave the tap in the tear-Chamber a stiff competition. :)) Then i quit attending the meetings. I know there was a third time I met the same fate, but I remember nothing of it.So, I presume I took it well.
Now comes around a forth time. And yes I havent changed much from the forever-dreamin fool I was , and took my self for a ride this time around too. I thought that I would finally get to go for my first ever trek on 31st dec 2005... its 11:08 pm now a few hrs away from 6:30am - the time I would leave for my first trek. Well this time getting my parents to say yes was easier cos my Mom, inspite of her fears, knew that this was something I dreamt of doing and I took the effort of saying 'I want to go'(thanks to my Mom's urge)- Something I didnt do all the other times. And then my Dad conceded. But all the way,every moment, something or the other happened that would make me think that I wouldnt make it to this trek. Now that it isnt taking off, I am wondering whether I am not meant to go? Should I even try the next time? Cos to tell you the truth... breaking free from a norm that you have been obediently living by for so long , no matter how much you hated it, does bring different kinds of fear alive. All this time when I was determined to go, I have to admit, there were moments where my parents' fears rubbed off on me... would I get lost, would I be safe, would I fall sick,... so many questions about my self. That brings into the lime light another scary finding- I am not too sure of my bloody self! Wow! Am I proud!
Its amazing when you look at how some tiny things can shake a person. Ironic,it seems ridiculous to the saner part of the person. I took it ok this time, but there were times when the salt water stung my eyes but i sucked them back in.
I am 25yrs old and i still behave like a kid!!!! Now after writing all this, looks like the suction system in my eyes have failed. look at me multi tasking efficiently- weeping and typing.
The adult in me puts,her arm around me and says with an understanding smile, 'Hey, stupid! Dont read this incident as a sign of anything!Its just a case of touch and go! relax. If not now, then some time later, sweety. look at the brighter side! You discovered that you are a retard as ever- you still take some of the most insignificant things serious! meaning you are a 10 yr old at heart. Now thats good news for your heart! So cheer up!'. I listen , wipe my tears,smile and look up to her.
ARE YOU STILL READING?!!
Well, if you've come so far, Happy New Year's Eve!

Rock the LOC!!!

2005-12-19T15:25:00.000+05:30

For decades India closed her eyes,shut her windows and invited silence in to her mind and room, sunk into her favourite chair in the room and then drowned in Pakistani ghazals and traditional sufi music along side her own Indian artist's. The root of which both cousins shared. India and Pakistan culturally have a lot in common - food, dress, language, music, dance... aalu paratha,hindustani music,kathak,etc. Ghazals (both Indian and Pakistani) catered to the musical appetite of the calmer and wiser section of the audience that ranges from Indians who witnessed the partition to ones who have studied about the partition only to get thru their history papers. But what about the not-so-wise, noisy and rock-loving souls like me?!! :( Indian movie music- yes is as varied as the masalas served here in India and everyone is sure to find some song or the other to suit their taste. But in a country where every 'A' grade college has a Rock festival of its own that draws crowds from different parts of the town and country... why do we have to make merry with the once-in-a-bluemoon serving of a movie song that would have rock influence - like Yunhi chala chal raahi(Swades),songs from dil chahta hai just to mention a few from the few available. India's pivate music scene has been gifted with loads of pop singers/bands, most of whom have had careers that are nothing more than a flash in the pan. Perhaps the first band in India that came forward with some rock influenced music was Euphoria- who brought rock with a touch of Indian folk that was fresh and a commercial success.But after a couple of albums they too,like may others seemed to be repeating them selves.And around that time, or is it a lil before that,India was introduced to the talented band Junoon(song:Sayyonee) from Pakistan who too experimented with some hard rock and Sufi music... which was instantly accepted by people on both sides of the border. After Euphoria theres been just some two other bands, whose names i have forgotten .Beyond this India hadnt seen more of, what i would like to call, H'ndi-Experimental-Rock until perhaps the last few years... when bands like Strings,Fuzon,Jal, etc walked into the scene to whet our appetite. I have to admit, i am on a glutton's diet of unlimited servings of Pakistan's H'ndi-Rock. Their artists seem to be bolder than ours as far as experimentations are concerned. Soul stirring combination of elements unique to the Pakistani and Indian culture and rock... listen to Ankon Ke saagar(fuzon),Kamaj(fuzon),Huwe Anjane(Strings), woh Lamhe(Jal), then the latest Ashique Banaya(i dont know the name of the Paki singer,if you do know,do let me know). Comon people! all of you out there with talent! Wake up! Our neighbours need some healthy competetion. I have complete faith over our Indian talent and would love to see more than just-flash-in-the-pan successful musicians who can contribute original and innovative sound wave to a medium that waiting to be shaken. Its time that Indian Rocksters rise up to the challenge and add their share to the potluck.Get rocking guys! And while you both (Indian and Pakistani artists) compete with each other, music lovers like myself will laze on the couch called LOC and experiance complete Loss Of Control and hog big-time from both sides.... What?! you liked it too?! ... Help your self!

From a Pole to the SOUL

2005-11-10T15:40:00.000+05:30

this isnt mine. this is a comment that was left on Nandita Das' blog on IntentBlog.com. with marek, the author's permission, i would like to share the words of a guy who has a blog with more pics than words. i liked this comment cos it seemed to have a lot to do with my life at this point in time. I hope that it makes a lot of sense to some of you out there.

"
Dear nandita,

girl, you keep on dreaming!!
everything at this moment was someone´s dream once...

and as for the critics,
A favorite quote from my father,
(in Polish it sounds so much cooler, but nevertheless)

the dogs will keep on barking,
but the karavan keeps on going!

And as from Anthony Robbins, date with destiny or time of your life program,
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world. The unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man."
George Bernard Shaw

Expand Your Imagination About What's Possible by Mark Victor Hansen

When we were children we believed anything was possible. We created worlds where we were the main characters and everything revolved around our wants. Our friends came over and became part of these worlds and we had the time of our lives – laughing, playing – being who we wanted to be. It was magical!

As time passed and we grew older, people saw what we were doing and they weren't sure they liked it anymore. They saw us being young, excited and joyful – what they used to be, but no longer were. And, by golly they didn't allow us to be these things either. They said things like, "Grow up!" "Act your age." "Stop dreaming!" "Be realistic."

Whether it was teachers, parents, and counselors – there's a good chance that at least one person in our pasts didn't know any better at the time. We didn't know that daydreaming and knowing exactly what we want would be vital to our future happiness and success. We didn't know that these people were not mad at us – they were perhaps, instead, disappointed with themselves for allowing their dreams to die.

What they don't know, and maybe even you don't realize, is that dreams can never be destroyed. They can be battered and bruised, but they can never die. They just sink into a deep sleep in the back of your mind. They lie there, like Sleeping Beauty, waiting for the day when they will be realized.

Well, I'm here to help you wake them up!

It's time to remember the magic of our youth. It's time to remember the days when there were no impossibilities. It's time to awaken your dreams and start living the life you've always wanted to live.

Each and every one of us was born rich. We each have, at our beck and call, 18 billion brain cells, waiting for us to give them some direction. The only limitations that exist are those we impose on ourselves. Otherwise, our brains do not know any limitations. Our minds will believe whatever we convince them to believe. So, why aren't we living out our dreams? What's stopping us?

Most people are not living the lives they truly want to live because they are not thinking big enough, nor are they focused on exactly what they want to do.

The key to having everything we want lies in expanding our definition of what's possible and focusing on what we want. That's it! Once we believe in the possibility of anything and focus in on exactly what we want to have, exactly what we want to do, then our minds can take us there.

'Predetermine the objectives you want to accomplish. Think big, act big and set out to accomplish big results.'

Mark Victor Hansen

Mark Victor Hansen, co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

With Love, passion, and good spiritual vibes,
Marek Dariusz Podsiadlo

Lost mind. Smile found.

2005-10-19T16:58:00.000+05:30

It surprises me to know what makes me feel happy. Sometimes it feels like the person u know the least about - is yourself.
There was this lush green football ground near my childhood home in Ruwais. next to which there was this lil grassy hill- may be 7-8 ft high. 7-8 ft dont seem much now but it sure did back then.The joy and exhileration I would get in my growing years climbing that hill and then running down .Seeing it in my head- I can feel it in my heart right now. Loved height(still do). Love looking down from my perch. I always had a love of climbing steep surfaces. I, my brother and our friends would get a big cardbord box, rip it open, sit on it and ride it down the grassy steep slopes(11-13 ft high) of the football ground like a sleigh. thinkin about it,I still can feel the rush and the bubbling joy that turns into a joyful scream.
Theres about 3-4 trees I have climbed in my life till now -all of them have been fantastic experiences(esp my first, the tallest of all my tree-climbs - a tall eucaliptus tree at a clinic- f.y.i, wasnt running away from getting a prick, if that was what u were thinkin,genius!) I think I have climbed more walls than trees :)) But that too could be counted on the fingers. Overall- when I think of life, and of things that give me joy- I have done least of the things I enjoyed. But the same lil joy that used to make my heart flutter , still pays me a visit once in a while but in different moments-
When its all sunny the roads are shining in the sun light and suddenly it rains from a lonely cloud-just like standing under a shower. :)) any I stand there for a few seconds (long enough to not catch a cold and enough to indulge in it) doing nothin , sometimes opening my arms and liftin my head to the sky, soaking the sun and rain at the same time.
When the rain unlocks the sweet smell the earth has been clutching onto for so long, and the greens look greener than ever
When an old friend remembers me and I remember them.
When someone surprises me .
When I scheme to surprise someone else :))
When someone shares their greatest joys and excitement cos had they kept it to them selves- their heart would have burst and made a mess- they had to tell Nita. :)
When I see people do what they love and love what they do.
When I see people help eachother.
When I see groups of individuals bond to find a oneness- a collective strength stronger their own,
When we forget we have grown up,
When we forget atleast for a few moments that we ever learnt the word 'inhibition', 'limitation', 'conditioning','society','comply','win','lose'
When I see lil kids do their stuff, their style

I still want to climb trees and mountains .
I still want to dirty my shoes(esp that now i can afford not getting scolded for it).
I still want to run out and roll on the grass.
I still... am on the search for the child within.
I am done with my assignment for the day. Its 5 now -any one commin out to play ? :)

do it myself

2005-10-14T18:00:00.000+05:30

wanted to make my own blog skin/template. and guess whats theres a lot of help out there you could use. here are a few interesting links people.
about.com,
photoshop support
check them out and let me know if it gets your creative juices active!

Memento of a moment.

2005-10-10T18:10:00.000+05:30

Watched Gajini(tamil movie)? Neither did I. Hear its real good. Last weekend I suggested to my brother that we go and watch it. I told him I read somewhere in the papers that it was the remake of the hollywood flick 'Mementos' made in 2000. And guess what!- he tells me that the movie has been lying around in my computer for months now. So i set out to see for myself what in the original movie had made the critics in the paper go gaga . Directed by Christopher Nolan, the movie is inspired from a short story witten by his brother Jonathan Nolan. 'Directed by Christopher Nolan'- found reason number 1!
You'd find it easier to place him when I tell you that he is the director of the Al Pacino and Robin Williams starrer 'Insomnia' and the more recent, Chritopher Bale starrer 'Batman Begins'. I had watched and loved Insomnia. I knew my expectations,they were soaring. Having seen Memento ,now,I should tell you,I wasnt disappointed. and so wouldnt you. A gripping story that sucks you in and in no time , you have become Leonard Shelby, the protagonist. Its the story of a man who has a medical condition called CRS(Cant Remeber S---) Disease - he cant make new memories. For the sake of understanding, its like suffering from a non-existing short term memory. His wife has been raped and killed. In the effort to save her he gets hurt, a result of which he ends up having CRS- cant make memories of moments ever since then. He wants to take revenge .But to take revenge the first thing you need to know is 'I want revenge'. Leonard needs to constantly remind himself that he 'wants' to take revenge. The story tells how this man keeps a memento of every single moment cos he knows that in the next commin moment he'll never remember or know that he had been there.
Its perhaps the first time that I have watched a minimum-blood-and-gore movie and felt like I couldnt watch it to the finish. Why? Leonard Shelby feels no fear cos he cant remember to feel it while I can see,remember,relate whats happening to him and feel that fear- the fear that fails to exist in him owing to his ability to forget .It succeeds in making you understand and treasure our natural ability to make memories. Any movie aficionado will agree with me , that if the story grows on you, then a major amount of the credit goes to the mode of story tellin Nolan has used. The great script,innovative style of direction,brilliant acting makes a beauty of this movie!!! The story is split into 2 time frames -one in Black and White ,moving forward to a unknown point in time and the other in colour thats moving backwards in slices of 5-10 mins to the same unknown point. Wont say any more. cant say anymore. Here is the link to the short story by Jonathan Nolan
'Memento Mori' that inspired the movie.
Sit back and watch a great movie!
Every single moment that we can look back and remember , the memory of it ,is a momento of that moment past. REMEMBER.

Where are we heading?

2005-03-02T12:31:00.000+05:30

Was watching a documentary (called'Countdown')on the discovery channel, based on the Columbine School Shootout (1999). Watching this documentary has change the way I will see another news on a shoot out - forever. No. It really hasnt changed- its only given my fellings more depth and definition. Before, my reaction to such news was dominated by shock and disgust. Now I guess it would have sympathy and fear added in the list. I, from being a third party viewer, who holds no stake in that event ,started put my selves in the shoes of the victim,thanks to this documentary.
13, 15-17 year olds shot dead , 23 injured and serveral more lives changed forever by this heinious incident .All of this done by two boys- an 18 yr old and a 17 yr old (they shot them selves after commiting the crime) .They had been planning the attack for a long time. Stocking up a lot of rage in themselves. They were armed to the teeth! How could arms be so damn accessible ? And that too, to high school kids? As accessible as candy? These boys had hidden their creations & collections in their very own homes, where they lived with their parents ! How could it go unnoticed?!!! These boys have had serious problems with depression. They had been on Anger Management Programs- which obviously hadnt helped. They were highly suicidal and homicidal. They simply walked through the school shooting at anyone who met their sight. It might sound a lil odd- but i feel sorry to think of how two tender minds can grow up to be so distorted? So twisted in some pain that, they turned numb to others' ?!! How come parents and the doctors didnt take stock of the situation- they would have seen some sign ?
What has prompted me to write this entry , is the last statement in this documentary. Somthing to this effect -" This incident has prompted the strengthening of arms-control laws. The debate continues". THE DEBATE CONTINUES?!!! THERE IS A DEBATE?!! A DEBATE has two sides. somebody tell me, Whats the other side of this issue?! Dont tell me there are parents who think - 'How can my son go to school without a gun?!' This is absolutely absurd and outrageous! It definitely reflects on the lack of social responsibility by the a55h01e5 who have turned this into a debate. In my opinion- these people are the actual culprits and not the two boys - cos its this same attitude that has contributed to the scary metamorphosis of these boys into the monstors they will be remembered as .
India is begining to see its share of disturbing behaviours amoung youngsters. To remind you of some- the school boy who misused the camera in his mobile to capture pornographic images ... school and college students from financially stable backgrounds entering prostitution. Perhaps not attrocious as the massacre... but we need to see this as a sign of a changin season in our social(and moral) make up- tiny signs before the mighty storm. Today , India is a fast growing nation. It is bound to face the same problems that come with the upgrade , like many other nations have , before us. We have to observe, understand and learn from what we- as the human civilisation- have already experianced in other nations. There should be people who observe and study the changes in different stratas of the society, recognise relations and detect causes for similar distubances. See how they could have been avoided. Design methods that can help all of us grow as a part of a healthy society. We all have a responsibility towards each other. There were umpteen times and ways these boys could have been stopped- parents , teachers, students, police, doctors, etc. But they werent... fate had thought the other way around . Perhaps it was some kind of social alarm that went off , with the purpose of grabing our attention. In this particular case , a min-to-min reconstruction is possible because of the school security cameras.But , had you seen the documentary, you will have to agree that, what adds tremendously to our understanding of the deranged minds of the perpetrators are the home videos they themselves had left behind- that gives some closure to our disbelief in the possiblity that there could be people who think like this. Fueled by a passion to kill people- with or without reason. It would send a chill down your spine. The Indian society that is conservative by nature seems to be growing tolerant to a lot of changes that might facilitate and influence the development of dysfunctional citizens. Its time for all of us- Indian or not- to pay attention to the social changes around us and play our part to help guide our lifes to a better , healthier fullfillment , and on the whole, the societies . We make the society- dont we?
(Please forgive the profanity.)
HERE ARE LINKS TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THE MASSACRE:
General Information 1
A look into their psych
General info 2

The wind was on anti-depressants for a week

2005-02-14T14:32:00.000+05:30

So finally I made it to the Aero show 2005. It was for the first time in almost a decade of living here that I had been to an aero show in Bangalore - the fifth time it was held. It has occured to me that I had been gravely underestimating my ability to enjoy such an event. Like many other girls ,I am not all that fond of cars ,bikes ,planes... but the ecosystem had to keep its balance, so I am blessed with a brother who is just a lil more than obsessed about them. It is not to say that this show has changed me inside-out... but it defintely has refined my taste for planes, for good. The astounding display,view and of course the planes,spoke a common language of hypnotizing amazement and pride definitely to any person , no matter the lang he spoke or his nationality,educated or not.It didn't matter whether they could understand the brilliant commentry in English.If they couldn't afford a ticket , they climbed up walls, stood at the gate, stood over the police van and simply enjoyed it. It felt good to be a member of the human race , who have achieved the amazing feat called flight.

I have now become air-craft-educated, if I may say so... from someone who had been familiar with the names and pictures of these air-crafts (thanks to having to put up with some wallpapers- courtesy my brother) ,to someone who can 'feel for machines' to some extent... is definitlely some good improvement. It was thrilling enough to be on the ground and staring into the blue sky. I wondered how many times more exillerating it should be , to be so high up in the sky, zooming away with no roads, no traffic lights, no traffic jams , (esp) no one-ways,just mother nature's mood and fate's mischiefs standing in your way. Whizzing away so fast in the sky that it would have given the wind a severe bout of depression. Its lovely sight to see the sunlight bounce-off the cock-pit glasses. It was an earth rocking aero show- thanks to the thundering and roaring mig29, jaguar, sukhoi 13 and the sea-harrier . Seeing the sea-harrier's maneuverability on the TV is one thing.... experiencing it live was definitely another. The part of the show that would lock your attention into place was definitly the aerobatics put up by the SuryaKirans- a team of 13 amazing pilots 'ballerinaing' thru the sky in their Kirans( the planes) making amazing formations boasting of precision, focus and guts. Not to mention , the simple demonstration of how copters(lancer,chethan) are crucial in a team insertion and extraction. We have to bow down to the dedication and grit of all these men and women who safe-guard our land ,water and sky . They put up such a fantastic show.

Buddhism, a religion that preaches calmness, tranquility and stability - ironic it may sound- happens to be the mother of several forms of martial arts. They were not designed to be a channel to vent out anger but its simply for the honourable cause of self-defense. Choosing not to defend your self at hard times is to sin. I actually admire that ideology. Even if we speak of 'NO war', don't we all know deep inside that, a world without wars is almost impossible- simply because of the fact that we are humans,and not Gods or saints . Greed, sadism will breath in us till the end of our existance. So with that realisation comes the need to protect your self . I am proud of our army and military , under whose protection we all sleep so peacefully , mostly oblivious of their existance and their sacrifices. This show made me immensly proud of our defence guys , who stand guard to the noble cause of 'self-defence'.

For those of you who missed it this time...it was TOO GOOD. Its held every alternate yr. Visit it the next time to enjoy a grounded flight-seeing.

Abracadabra...(poof!)

2005-01-05T15:15:00.001+05:30

Last year I had been to my cousin's place . We spent some good times with our nieces- two pretty lil girls aged 5 and 7. I exceptionally enjoyed this particular visit because of a box the girls had . Their Granny- ie my aunt had gifted them a big box - a kit to learn some magic tricks which included a instructions book. Magic is fascinating for anyone of any age. I had checked out a lot of other magic kits but not one thats as clear & simple in its instructions as this one. The inquisitive child in me & my brother awoke & we sprang into action. We check out some of the tricks - they were simple, entertaining and absolutly captivating. I thought if we could have had such fun pulling off some smart tricks,then so could you people out there. I am sure there are times when work gets boring and you can't find ways to pep up, so here is a good timepass ... some tricks you could pull out on your collegues to start with. But theres two things : 1)remember to practice them in your cubicle a couple of times till you can pull off with some panache 2)a magician never lets his/her secrets out...
Here is you go! (Try out the Rubber band and the thread trick- its something you could try out right now)

Ooops!

2005-01-04T16:52:00.000+05:30

Please note : Read 'So it happens today...' first. Then 'The Scheme of Life'. I occured to me a lil late that it works like a stack... Thanks :)

The Scheme of Life

2005-01-04T16:40:00.000+05:30

Sometimes life seems all too well planned to go wrong. And sometimes it feels like you have fallen into a scheme built against you - built so well, that it seems almost impossible to get out (remember: only seems). And then there are these other times that seem too out of the ordinary- no matter what emotion forms its bedrock - joy, sorrow, anything- that the event refuses to be go down your memory into the 'ordinary events' folder . They blare out of your memory collection with a lot of unanswered questions tagged to it. No matter how many times you look back at it... there will always be whiff of enigma and a dash of intrigue attached to it- till you get , if not all, some of the answers . An encounter almost supernatural in taste- just almost. And thats how it felt meeting Farook again. Farook was my batchmate in my final year of school but from a different section. We had our own group of friends in our own sections- hers 3, mine 4, but everyday we'd all have lunch together. Reshma Farook posessed an open & congenial nature with no facade - with an almost child-like innocence, blessed with a natural gift of an easy access to everybody's funny bone. She just somehow knew how to get anyone to laugh with a great sense of timing. We weren't real close or anything, we just simply enjoyed eachother's company. Almost never called eachother up, & never had visited eachothers homes in our schooldays. And with school comming to an end , soon we were in our pre-university colleges(PUC), running in our own hamster wheels - the two groups lost touch. I never met Reshma again. Some where in the final year of my PUC(ie 2nd year) ,Reshma called me up over the phone. She was having problems at home. Reshma was the youngest child to a fairly progressive parents and belonged to a highly respectable family who were liberal about girls not having to wear a head scarf and who gave women the freedom to run businesses . We were around 17 back then and Reshma's Granddaddy(who took charge of the major decisions in the family) was planning to get her married. Just as it would have been for any girl- including me, Reshma was unprepared for a marriage and scared. She needed to share her fears with someone at that time & somehow, astonishingly she chose me. It did surprise me a great deal 'cos i never thought of my self as being the natural choice despite the fact that the other two in her group were out of reach. But all my life i was used to people comin & tellin me their woes, and this instance was no exception - i listened , i comforted as much as i could. She was scared but very strong- never cried. This went about for a month till my exams came up , got busy and once again we lost touch. I took for granted that she either got her way or she eventually gave into her Granddaddy's wish. This was three years after we had become friends. Another 3 years went by- I am doing my third year in Engg , i never ever remebered her. And perhaps she didn't too. One day as I & my brother were going some where, our car broke down. We made calls to the garage guys and decided to wait till help arrived. We were stuck in a residential area and it was a hr or two past lunch time. As we waited in the luxury of our lifeless car ,doing nothing , we, naturally, stared aimlessly . One such subject of our observation was two young girls who were getting into the house , right opposite to where our broken car lay. For the first time in years i remembered Farook. The reason being - one of the girls sporting a scarf over her head looked very much like Farook but a lot younger. I kept looking at the girl with adoration as nostalgia swept in and took me to my school days . Once the girls got past the gate to the house , it looked like they had an argument. The Farook-look-alike wanted to go out & the the other girl kept pulling her back in. And i was still looking at them. The scientist in my brother took over & he drew up a theory that the shoving match could have had something to do with my staring ,"She looks like Farook alright, but nowadays a girl looking at a girl can freak a girl out, so I'd suggest you stop staring." So I simply did. Just another one of those incidents where you find a familiar face that doesnt match with a recognition in you memory. Soon I forgot it. 2 weeks later i get a call , which to my surprise,i instantly recognised to be Reshma Farook. I had faithfully forgotten the Reshma-look-alike incident. We spoke . Did a lot of catching up. We were 20 year olds then. She hadn't married. She became the first woman in her whole family to finish her PUC. She was on chemotherapy ,fighting ovarian cancer. She faced a surgery and now was almost done with her treatment. I was surprised that she still had my phone number with her -for all these years. She said ,"You wont believe it girl, i haven't got them written any where but i know them". And read out my second phone number from her 'memory' with ease. I thought she was kidding. And then the revealing moment , "You know why I remembered you after so long? I happened to see someone just like you a few weeks ago." Just the perfect time to tell her that I too had a similar encounter- but just as I had said- I simply had forgotten the incident. Then she said the magic words that triggered a pointer to the memory allocated to the incident..."I saw this girl just in front of my cousin's house ". That rang the bell. But i needed to be sure, so i waited for her to finish the rest of the details...Red car, a guy sitting in the back seat, girl with curly locks.... Holy cow, that was me! We shared our findings & had a good laugh. We for the first time in 6 yrs had got to see eachother & didnt realise it. Six years! school girls grew into women. Apart from the maturity that comes with the metamorphosis, she was still the good-ol' Farook- high in spirits & strong as ever. I was going thru my share of difficult times back then- my Mom had to gone into a surgery to remove an infected salivary gland. But along with it came a lot of depression, fear, hoplesness. My Mom who was otherwise a strong woman, was turning weak & scared. And sometimes nothing you say or do helps. Surprising enough, we discovered that they both had their surgeries in the same week in the same hospital just a skip & a hop a way from each other. My Mom and Reshma bonded. Their illnesses were perhaps far from similar, but they shared if not the same but similar changes to what was once their normal lives. It bought hope & courage into my Mom's life. Farook would talk on the phone to my Mom. They would help each other channelise their energy into recovering.We decided to meet up, and what could be a better venue than 'the house'- the house just next to the one we had seen eachother was her home. I spent a day with her. She wore the scarf to cover her hair loss & eagerly observed its growing-back. She enthusiastically told me of her plans of starting a boutique after recovering. She had no trace of cancer in her- she had completely cured. We all felt relieved & grateful to some great power. I got busy with my semester exams & she left to Hydrabad to spend time with her elder sister & family. She'd be gone for two months- but could come back sooner. I called a couple of times to her place- but she hadn't been back. I got busy with my projects & about a month later called her home. Her sister was back from Hydrabad and she picked the phone, and i as usual asked for Reshma, to which she replied with a tinge of astonishment ,"Reshma died."
I have written somuch to explain all that happened till now, to actually express this moment. But thats what precisely this write-up will find difficult to achieve.
Was it shock? Was it pain? Was it anger? I think i just went numb with a whirlpool of fellings inside me. The shear inability to come in terms with reality left my throat aching to cry. And I did. I cried & cried & Farook's sis, tried her best to console me. Then the feeling of betrayal in me spoke, "But she said that she was completely cured?!!". To which her sister said,"We knew of her stage a long time ago. We wanted to shelter her from the truth. We hoped she would live her life to the fullest till time & health would allow.The cancer had spread all over. She was in a lot of pain whe she died." She told me,"We had informed all her friends from the numbers in her directory. Looks like it didnt have yours in it." She told me to pray for her & to pay a visit home.And the conversation ended. I wasnt in the condition to pray. She had plans for the life that lay ahead of her - plans that would out live her life! She was just as old as me, Damn it! It felt unfair. It took me a couple of days till the numbness wore off. Then my mind got into reconstructing her last few days . I wondered if she wanted to meet me. Guilt poured in. Then i remembered her sister telling me that my name wasnt in the directory...& then i remembered Reshma saying,"...I just know them !...". She wasnt joking! she really remembered my number for six years and needed a directory to remember the other 6's (friends from school)!!! The others were informed . One attended the funeral.
She had my number in her memory for six years. Why? Did some invisible intervention put us in places where we had to meet at the time we had to meet, when we had something to offer to each other? Or was it an incident that demonstrated 'What goes around come around'/'Pay it forward'(I consoled her , she consoled my mom)? Sometimes somethings are better left unexplained.It seems more beautiful that way. A death for any one , of any age is an overwhelming incident- more than anything else it makes you look harder at life than death. I saw something through my meeting Farook again. Something i learn & understand better as the years go by- its not once in a while you will find someone like Farook with a message for you... its every single day- day in ,day out, every single moment. Sometimes we manage to read it, sometimes we fail. Sometimes we understand it, sometimes it just leaves us with a question mark. May be there is something for you here or you might have something for me in your comments. This is perhaps the longest i have written in a very long time(since school, to be more precise) & definitly the most gratifying. The reason to why i chose to write on Farook is that , i see a Farook in each of you- my friend or not, we meet or not,we know eachother or not, everytime you pay a visit , in a wierd way you are making a contribution in my life by just taking a part of it with you. So here goes- I dedicate my first entry to Farook in other words to all of you out there. Welcome to 1forevery1!

So it happens Today...

2005-01-04T16:10:00.000+05:30

So I am finally starting my blog. Its taken it a long time(since June 2004) to come out now. This space will offer anything from my crazy write ups, jokes, quotes, pics, links ... anything that suites my capricious whims. Or atleast its been so from a few months. A big thanks goes out to all those who have nudged me into writing or startin this blog - Anu, Vivek, Snail & Sachi. And now before any of my mentors regret mentoring me, let me keep you informed, the first entry is very typical of me- people who know me can tell- its really long. But i am hoping you'd take out sometime to read it.And that you will put in your comments- critical , appreciative, empathising... anything- feel free!
Why am i doing it all of a sudden?- and that too at 2:30 am 4/1/05... like there was never a yesterday or there isn't a tomorrow? Ans: Complusive Disorder- I am trying to bring some Order into my life thru the DISorder. Hell-bent! Wouldn't you agree?