Friday, March 08, 2013

I will be fine

My brother posted this on his Facebook wall today:
"And end a beginning. A life and its meaning, The simplicity of it. And its Complexity. Randomness and Directness. From beginning to end. I had the most interesting 2 years of my life, Most fascinating 2 years. So much happened in it. I was amazed to even think that I would be finally be able to live life. It was as though I was doomed to a existence that I had come to wear as my own. Is it right. Is it wrong. The now and what we have right now is all that is . And everything else. doesn't even begin to add. Time to disappear. Into the shadows of my past. Dive deep into that dark night I had once left behind for the bright dazzling hopeful lights. Back to home as i used to call it once. But back then I had something more. And now I return all alone. Good night to a bright beginning. You arrived late. Lasted for an instant of my memory and you will dwindle into my past. But you will always be the moment that changed me. Taught me. From which I took soo much out of. My joy. My sadness. My pleasure, Love. Passion. and everything in between, You burnt me . Made me whole. Destroyed me , Like i've ever known. I never knew that it were possible for me to find an ego within me. But to even my surprise i did. Thank you for changing me. Thank you for bringing me a full circle. Now I head into the unknown again. Into a darkness from which I do not know if i'd ever return to see light again. But all alone. And i know this might be the end of my run. I have had enough with false hope. And only few shall ever read this. And even those who might not. Pleasure meeting you in my journey. Planned or not. In a world of hearts and wits I remain alone. tried and tested . on my own. Good bye to that new beginning and to embrace and old friend. The end is has met its beginning and beginning its end. - Thank you"

After I read it, I copied a small piece of it and ran it in google to see if was someone else's work. From what I could find, I think i can conclude its an original by my brother. My initial reaction was some uncomfortable fear. But i tried to keep that aside and went back and read it again and again and again... but i still could only feel a negative sense of it.  I knew he is feeling stuck in his work and think that feeling is translating into his life. He is being over worked at his company and is being harassed/exploited, in my opinion.

I didnt want to judge what he wrote but i still wanted to share something with him, so i wrote this in the comments:
"We all are born to be sponges that absorb anything and everything that comes our way. The world comprises of ppl we love, ppl who love us, ppl who dont care, ppl who dont love us,ppl we dont love. The world keeps sending us messages .. sometimes these messages get so loud and constant that it doesnt not give us the time to really think before we can accept or ignore it or we never grew out of unconditional absorbing. Messages can be positive or negative, and then there are ones that look positive and are intended to be positive, but deep within fail to do just that. Vice versa is true too. The way we absorb and process these messages determines the strength of the light in which we view ourselves. Sometimes these messages will have a negative undertone - it will be surprising to observe that some of these messages, esp the ones that you took to heart, were well intentioned and came from ppl who you love and love you. But the way we absorb and the way we process the message is the key to our self image, self confidence, rational thinking...among many other things. And if we keep repeating the wrong methods for too long.. the pain turns into a constant darkness, even without us knowing.. slowly and steadily we are sucked in. Long exposure to darkness can do a lot of damage... it can strip us off our dignity, honour, robs us off our hopes, turns us blind to opportunities, steals from us the ability to experience joy even at times when it is warranted, magnifies sorrows and pains and our flaws, substitutes honour with false honour, masquerades inferiority complex as a superiority complex, enforces the victim in us, finds and amplify the faults of the world.
We have found comfort in the discomfort of the darkness for so long that we dont know the difference. And sometimes, we do all that we can to remain in the darkness, though not on purpose - cos that is what we have known for too long. It has cast its spell. but it isnt one that cant be broken.
I now believe that there is a purpose devastation and chaos plays, it can snap you out of that comfort zone, put you thru more pain and suffering, but you should keep questioning through this excruciating pain or else you will plunge further into darkness. Dont question the validity of your questions, your search for answers will tell you that. But you should be relentless and shouldnt stop asking if you realise any of your questions to be invalid/pointless. The right questions, constructive ones, will lead you to a point where you have to choose btwn the known - comforting darkness or the unknown ... but a feeling inside you ... the core of the truth that you have known always, will show you the way... the truth that 'I have always wanted to be out of this darkness'... and hopefully you will pick the unknown... sacred like shit, unsure, apprehensive,not knowing what you have to do after making this choice, you push thru working on yourself as you go along... knowing that there will be a lot of hurt and pain and it will be worse than what you had been thru in the darkness... the fear of the unknown itself adds to the pain. As the journey moves ahead you will realise you are alone and no one will understand what you are attempting to do... and how could they, this is about you and you finding answers and fixing things for youself, it would be too much to expect that anyone else would understand... which in itself adds to the difficulty considering that you dont have a clarity over the answers to their questions but you only get to know along the way what you need to do as you find answers to your questions, and that in no way helps you answering theirs... so you might be truely handicapped when trying to providing some relief... some answers... realising that handicap will churn you, make you question the worth of this whole effort... but stay on course... soon will have to admit it to yourself that you will not be able to answer these questions and you will not be able to provide any relief when you dont have any. it doenst have to be this difficult for everyone who makes this journey, some will have it easy, some will have it tough. but never the less... its will be a journey that has to be made and you will have to stay on course. Soon you will realise you are in your own focus and you might be a little out of touch with the world, somewhat distant, but yet in the moment. You might be able to hear your mind like you never did before. You will be driven .. not by will power but the sheer need to find answers and act upon them. You will be tempted to go back to the known darkness ... back into its familiar discomfort... back to a state which could give everyone relief...but stay on course.
It is worth it... at the end of it... at the end is a light... in which you will become weightless, you will be free of shackles, you will discover the flaws in the way you looked at things... you will see the mistakes in the way you absorbed and the way you processed the world's messages... you will know all that pain and drama you felt were all an elaborate lie. A lie you built, meant to cocoon yourself in a slow aching and nurturing comfort and peace, which was a simple defense mechanism that kicked in ages ago. You will realise you can let go of being a victim - of someone's actions or circumstances... you were the result of a chain of subconscious choices you made... nothing of which you need to accept blamed for or be ashamed about or curse yourself for. You will be able to let it be.
You would have found an awareness on how to be conscious and deliberate about how YOU want to take all that which comes to you...a new self awareness will be born, cos YOU should matter the most to YOURSELF. You might matter to people more that you matter to yourself, but that will not help you and will only further enchain you. You are no longer burdened by the need to be right or ashamed to be wrong or needy or week. Failure will no longer bog you down just as success will not keep you afloat. you will be at peace thru good times and bad. And you instinctively know when to lie on your back and turn into a leaf and go with the flow.... and when to sit up right and use your strength to steer. You will know that not matter what...good or bad... right or wrong... you will be fine."

Its true. You will be fine no matter what.