Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Deepika and I

Draft Written on the 27th June 2012: Deepika is the first friend I made when I came to live in India. I was just wondering about her and her groom hunt a couple days ago and voila yesterday morning she calls to inform me of the wonderful news that she has found her match! This soothing news made my otherwise difficult day so much more easier. Deepika is such a great human being and someone in the world had to deserve being with such a simple and sweet person. This brings me back to a wish, once a friend's Dad gave me on my friend's engagement day. He asked me how my parents search for a match for me was going. After listening to my usual answer, he held my hand and said, "Molu (daughter in my mother tongue), don't worry you will find someone to match the goodness of your heart." That by far is the most beautiful wish I had ever received on this topic. And ever since then, I have always wished this for my unmarried friends too. I am so glad that someone is out there who deserved the goodness of her magnificent heart.
After she told me the news and filled me in on the details, she asked me the question I had anticipated, "So are you seeing someone?" I have never been in a time where a relationship had mattered this much, but I lied to her. That kept the topic to a minimum. After all the talking, I sat down to reflect on my situation. Just the previous night, L and I discussed and arrived to an agreement to postpone the engagement for us to know if we still wanted to go ahead with this. That morning I had just told my parents about our decision and thats when I received her call. Later that night I called off the engagement for no major fault of L. I couldn't take the stress anymore and thought I was contributing to an already difficult situation and thought it was best for both of us if we ended it here. I had given up on us, while he was sure that the problems we were facing wasn't because of us but rather these were typical symptoms of a long distance relationship and it could be sorted out once we met in person. I was already tired and thought walking away was the better. Despite the ease at the cost of tremendous pain I was adamant. L hadn't given up on us, I can imagine what it would have taken him to call me in the morning today and I had not made it any easier when I answered his call. We talked, he held out the mirror to us, we apologized to each other. We agreed we will give us another chance and take this to be another learning experience. We agreed to meet one last time to see if we still find that partner, confidant, critique, believer, comrade, lover in each other. But with every step ahead we will be facing more challenges than ever. We have to address each others concerns, gain confidence and trust as we move ahead. With the good will and blessings of people who love us, like Deepika, Joshi, L's music teacher, my friend's dad and many others, may we rise above this experience together or otherwise.

Update 8th Mar 2013 - I did try to meet Deeps after her wedding while is still hadnt got over the pain of my engagement mess. And something she said over the call left me feeling that I shouldnt meet her. I sat at the mall i was supposed to meet her, and cried for an hour or so while trying to sip away at a couple of teas and then went back home. And My friend's dad, sadly passed away on the 30th Dec 2012 of a heart attack. It sounds silly but i burst into tears while i was speaking to my friend after i got to know about it months later! 

1 comment:

murali said...

Do not move away because of difficulties in the path Nita.It is never a easy road. Only let it go if deep down you feel a detachment; however if you feel a small,tiny hint of oneness do not let it go,no matter what blows your way,just do not let it go..because all that is external issues ( long distance BS,missed call ,MY RESPECT etc.,) all that is external & related to will disappear & it will be just two of you...the whole world disappears into oblivion.