Today had been to meet a friend over dinner. When it was time to get into my car and head home at 1030 I felt this familiar wish resurface ... a wish to take a walk in the night, alone. Wide empty roads in a residential area, wet from the drizzles, gentle breeze rustling the leaves... a full moon would have made it perfect. I so wanted to do it, I took my phone and keys (including one with a tiny blade) put them in the pocket and stood outside the car looking at the road, wide and mostly empty. Then the same old familiar voice spoke. " crazy?!  10:30. Alone. Get in! " Stood facing the door, hesitant, key in hand. Voice spoke, "Now! ". Just as always, I obeyed. Again. Opened the car and sat for a few minutes with my legs dangling out, dipped in the breeze, feeling it against my skin, listening to the rustling, the laughters coming from the restaurant behind me... the voice interrupts, "Enough." I sigh. Lock myself safely in the car, strap myself safely to it and drove away. Drove away, again.