Saturday, January 27, 2007

Constant Change

This week didnt end quite well,to top it the weekend has been even worse.
Yest i woke up forgetting about the day before. Thought "Today will be better". I thought i will have some nice time after so long. I needed a break so thought i will catch up with my girl-friends from Pre-university college times. And one of them invited us over home for lunch. What better way to put your weekend at risk than to become her guinea pig. To our relief she was a good cook. But before i could leave for her home i had some errands to run. While I was at it, i recieved a call. And this post is all about this call.
It had been real long since we heard each other over the phone. A couple of years. Old friends from school but the number of phone calls we have made to each other since we passed out can be counted in one hand. Two fingers, i think- once when her Mom needed blood and the other time was when our friend passed way (Those of you who have read my first post, will be familiar with this friend). Apart from that we have been occasionally in touch through mail-I mean she is one of those people whom I send forwards(Yes. you r not alone). But this call was different and took me by surprise.
Lets call my friend, S. Its the first time she has called me in 5-6 years. And this is how the conversation went:
S: (Over-excited) Oh! HIyeeeeee! Oh! How are youuuuu?
ME: Hi S! I am fine. how are you doing?
S: (over-the-top-happy)gooood. Whats plans for the weekend?
ME: nothing much. Have lunch at a friend's place, then i have a Dentist Appointment in the evenin.
S:Oh! (light-laugh) See i will be going for a trip over the weekend. My folks werent very happy with the idea, cos they are not familiar with these friends of mine. So, (slow) i was wondering if you could join...
ME:Ok. When is this trip and how many of you are goin?
S:Aaa... I will be leaving today. 4-5 friends from the Mumbai branch(of her office).
ME: Its such a short notice and more over i know no one at all. WE at office are plannin for a trip too for the next month.
S:See i was thinking of tellin my parents that you and some of your friends have coincidentally set for a trip earlier. And that we just got to know of eachothers plans and when i reach there- I and my friends will join you guys for sight seeing.
ME: (being polite )S, dear, i can goof up and i am real bad with the lying thing.. i am not at all comfortable with this.
S: Oh come on... if they call you you have to just say that you are in Goa too.
Me: NO. Dear... (She talks from the other end) Ok. I need to think.
-End of call-
Then i send her a message: "I dont want to do this"
Then she calls again:
S: hey (laughs) whhaaayeee?
ME: See i cant yaar (smiling). Why dont you ask some friend from office to cover up for you?
S: Ya, but the friend, shes on a trip to coorg...
ME:Thats exactly why it will be easier for her to fib... she is travelling too!
S: aaa...(sheepishly) but i have already told my parents that you are there in Goa and will pick me up.
ME: WHAT?!!! you didnt ask me?!!! how did you think of me?!!!! GOD! Lot of things can go wrong... if they ask me... where am i staying... what is my contact number.... etc? too much of mess... Just tell them you really want to go and that you will be ok. leave all your friends contact info with them. Explain to them that they are collegues from another office. It will be fine.
S:Dont worry like this yaar! say .....
.
.
.
ME: Dear think real well if you want to still go. Take good care of your self. I dont know how i am gonna do this!
S:(laughs) dont worry yaar!
-End of call-

This followed by about another two calls... and with every call my tone and mood changed. This whole thing was gettin me worked up! By the end of the day, I had lost my peace of mind, I desperately wanted to stop her from goin so that i didnt have to do this!

The last call:
S: See my dad is really pissed with me... he said ," i dont like this idea at all but if you still want to go then you may."
ME:(i was tired by now) Listen, When uncle is givin you so much of freedom, why the hell dont you just leave the contact informations with him?!!! Ok. Tell me, have you been on such trips before?
S: (giggling)yes.
ME:Had you parents stopped you before?
S: (smiling)no.
ME:Then why are they stoppin you now?
S:They are not familiar with these friends of mine.
ME: how many people are going to meet over there?
S: Some 4-5 . Actually i know only 1 guy in the whole set.
ME:What?! My dear darling, your parents have every reason to worry- you only know this one guy!!! why are you going when you dont know the rest?
S: I trust this guy.
ME: Let me ask you... are you going around with this guy?
S: (emphatic)NO! If that was the case i would have told you. I would have.
ME: I think you shouldnt go.
S: (all the smile and intermittent giggling stops and tone changes to, do-i-need-to-hear-this-from-you? From her point of view - she was totally justified. Who the hell am i to tell her this?!!) Why? do you say that?
ME: Simple. You are going thru all this shit... all this pain and all this trouble to lie your way out. why dont you just dial the number to your friend and let your parents speak to him. They will instantly feel comfortable. Tell them you really want to go. and you will take good care of your self.
.
.
.
ME: Dear I dont know what you do. I hope you know what your doing. I feel used. you just make sure that they dont have to call me. I can't keep a lie go on for too long.
S: hey i am sorry. I will make sure they dont call you.
ME: you better be. you take care. remember you are responsible for your self. Enjoy
-End of call-
S had asked for my home number and address her parents wanted to know.
S wanted me to tell my parents so that they were informed just in case her parents would call. but she needed to know what i would tell my folks... i told her it would just be what ever the truth is so far.

This is not the first time i have been asked such favours. The only difference with this situation is ... (1)the one who needs help always asks me whether i am ok doing a cover up- for which it has always been easy to say a straight off no. unlike in this case where the damage was already done (2)the ones who have made such requests to me in the past are people i was in touch with at that time... not someone who called right out of the blue after half a decade to drop a bomb like this.
So what were the mistakes:
MISTAKE 1:i shouldnt have been dazed and shocked. should have taken stock of the situation. Should have seen it straight... if she couldnt be desent enough to ask for my consent before draggin me into this crap, then i had every right to be rude to her. tell her NO. Why would i have to care of the soup she would be in?

S, was never the kinds to resort to using stories to get her way when we were in school. She was a strong girl, straight-forward. An achiever, a successful student and state level athelete. Its shockin to see how people change. Its not to say i am perfect. I have changed in my own way... and to be honest.. in ways i dont like. But you have an idea of the ways and extent to which your friends can change over time, and S's case proved my assessment wrong.

While at my friends place for lunch, i shared this issue with them, and there again, the host was of the opinion that i 'Just help her!' while the other friend was thinkin like i was... "hey who is she going with, what if she is into some trouble... hey then you shouldnt have to be pulled into it yaar!"

Well i went home after my dental appointment and rattled the whole story to my folks. Again, my mom was shocked with hearing that S would need to do this... this tells you that i am not the only one who thought S would change like this. Then my folks were of the opinion that her parents should be informed that i am not with her.

So today morning Mom called her home and spoke to her Dad and Mom. Then i spoke to Uncle(her Dad) too. He seemed to be really disappointed, was real sad. Though he didnt seemed to be surprised- i guess the disagreement they had the previous night in some way kept him prepared. I told him not to worry and that she will be fine and that she is a responsible girl. I did one right thing.. i told her to give me the details of the person she was travelling with. I passed the number on to Uncle and then said that he neednt use that number and lets wait for her safe return home. I was trying my best to soften the situation but they would know better of how to handle it than i would. I was feeling awkward- it was something i had never done before.

This post could raise mixed feelings in people.. But here goes... trying the best to keep things open is the best way out for most of the situtaion. If the issue is something that matters to the people around you then keeping it open is the best option. There is nothing wrong with fibbing, but this situation didnt seem like one that needed a lie this big. And more over , i didnt have a good feelin about the whole incident... something kept saying there is something wrong in this. There are situations where lieing is ok if your situation is real bad, but your sitation couldnt be better if your Father tells you that you can go, though i dont agree with you.
I hope she has a good time in Goa and comes back home safely.

4 comments:

Eclipsed Thoughts said...

hmmm... i think you did the right thing... and i too would have done the same.

Granny said...

I wouldn't have put myself in the middle of something like that either.

Of course most of us fib from time to time; usually "social" fibs but this is different.

small squirrel said...

you did exactly the right thing. if someone pulled that stunt on me I would have been totally pissed off! lying for yourself is one thing, asking another to lie for you is crap. plus the situation wasn't the greatest... doesn't sound like this girl has the best judgment in the world. in the end, all you can do is what YOU feel is right. hope it all worked out OK :)

d.K.m said...

I am with you in this case. You did the right thing.