Monday, March 13, 2006

Ahem ahem... I am brave

Yes I am . Cos I have the audacity to do this. to write a poem ... yeah, I have written one in 6-7 other instances in my life but never ever one in hindi- or is it Urdu! Yes, this is my first ever attempt. *claps with an affirming nod*
How did this happen? My blogroll will tell you that I have been paying a lot of visits to some talented poets and poet-esses . And somehow some of it has rubbed off on me. I cant seem to stop this giggle that bubbling inside me... its ludicrous considering my natural 'talent' in Hindi/urdu ... i know how much of a 'trapeze act' my hindi paper was! I survived it , thanks to the saftey net.
So here goes my dear fellas... feel free to suggest better words, correct me, pour out your opinions ... or else you could overlook it all, labellin it poetic license. hee hee heee he *the halo around my horns glisten*

Joonjne se thak gaya hai yeh dil
Keh raha hai mujse
"Vahan pohonchna hoga mushkil.
Bhujhade khwaishen theri,
Haath mein nahi anewali yeh manzil"

Khuda na khastha
Yeh meri akhri ho

Har kisiko hoti hai thaklifen
Ut.Ut ke chal
Kum karde ye doorian, yeh fasilen
Rukta tumhe kaun hai?
Raah their dekh rahi hai ye raasten

Khuda na khastha
Yeh teri akhri ho

Himmat de nahi rahi hai meri saath
Akeli hoon, phir bhi
Yeh kaun kar raha hai mujhse bath?
Aur koi nahi ,Dimag hoon thera
Moqa ab hai ,badha rahahoo haath.

Khuda na khastha
Yeh humari akhri ho

Dar aur thakat, sub the mere apne
Ruki main kyun?!!
Be jhijak dekoongi khoob, ab, sapne
Rukvaoongi nahi khudko,
Jo bhi ho, karooni uski amne-samne.

Khuda na khastha
Yeh meri akhri ho

to my friends who dont know Hindi- i will soon try to come up with an eng equivalent. or if i fail to do that ... will simple post the translation here :)

9 comments:

Manish said...

*taaliyan* *taaliyan* (with affirming nod too) :-)

Its very nicely written Neets.. Your Hindi/Urdu is not bad at all ;-)

Khuda na khastha
Yeh meri akhri ho


Has a deep meaning.. you don't want waste this moment and want to live it completely.. beautiful thoughts! :-)

BTW my manners are so bad.. I didn't even bid you 'Hi' before I started commenting in your blog..

'Hi' :-)

Vasu the terrible said...

Hmmmm.... interesting.

Looks like you are re-inventing yourself.

vasu

kuttichuvaru said...

hindi doesnt knw me frm primary school itself!!

but looks like a nice effort... he he..

(ok.. i agree, the last line was jus a formality)

SCRIBBLEZ TO WAKEUP said...

Good effort....For a beginning, you have made a good deal of effort....Adios! :)

Rusty said...

Good and nice attempt :)
I have made some corrections:

Joojhne se thak gaya hai yeh dil
Keh raha hai mujhse
Vahan pahunchna hoga mushkil.
Bujhaa de khwahishein apni,
Haath mein nahi aane wali yeh manzil"

Khuda na khastaa
Yeh meri aakhiri ho

Har kisiko hoti hai taklifein
Uth.Uth ke chal
Kam karde ye doorian, yeh faaslein
Rokta tumhe kaun hai?
Raah teri dekh rahe hai yeh raastein

Khuda na khastaa
Yeh meri aakhiri ho

Himmat de nahi rahi hai mera saath
Akeli hoon, phir bhi
Yeh kaun kar raha hai mujhse baat?
Aur koi nahi ,Dimag hoon teraa
Maukaa ab hai ,bada raha hu haath.

Khuda na khastaa
Yeh meri aakhiri ho

Darr aur taaqat, sab the mere apne
Ruki main kyun?!!
Be-jhijak dekhungi khoob, ab, sapne
Rokungi nahi khudko,
Jo bhi ho, karoongi uska samna ?? (goes differently)

Khuda na khastaa
Yeh meri aakhiri ho

and btw, soon to come up with my (tagging) list..cheers !!

True Blue Guy said...

My hindi itself sucks, I don't think I can ever manage one in urdu, but I think I understood a bit
cheers

Known Stranger said...

i tried my best and could able to read but as i am not good at reading hindi in english letters found it difficult and more than that when urdu is used i am lost.

Vämp!rë said...

best lines in ur poem;

Himmat de nahi rahi hai meri saath
Akeli hoon, phir bhi
Yeh kaun kar raha hai mujhse bath?
Aur koi nahi ,Dimag hoon thera
Moqa ab hai ,badha rahahoo haath

one amendment if u like...how it wud look like if you replace "dimag" with "aks"...means

"Aur koi nahi, Aks hoon tera"

Neets said...

@Manish-> thanks yaar! that boosted my self-confidence!

@Vasu-> you sensed that right!

@KC-> formality aayi irandalum- thanks! (formality ;) )

@Rusty-> thank you very much. Some patience. I really appreciate it. :)

@TBG-> thats ok man. glad you understood a lil. :)

@KnownStranger-> :D sad you felt lost. but verry sweet of you to leave a comment man. :) thanks

@vampy-> thanks dude. 'aks' is a great replacement. Glad you likes it. Thank you.