I have been tagged by two people - RoadBlogger asks me to list out what I would like to see in my love interest and EnemyOfRepublic wants me to list out the things I hate. Ironically, both are what would be asked of you when you meet a prospective groom, in the Indian scenario.
I would like to write this post smiling but I am not in the position to. I am experiencing the pressure that a normal Indian girl would. Parents are getting worried. They are hoping that they will find a guy who would match their parameters and that I would like him. When they started their search I wasn't one bit keen on getting married- that has changed a very tiny bit now. From 'I don't want to marry', now, I want to marry only once I am totally convinced that this is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with and when I know that he likes me the way I am. But in time I have learnt that there never might be a moment where I will enjoy that level of conviction. My problem is perhaps that I am not able to come into terms with the previous statement. And while that bothers me, it doesn't make things any better to know that your poor folks are anxious. Your heart and mind becomes one big mess. In fact its so disturbing that it could screw up your peace of mind for days to come. And as you try hard to forget about it and move on, there will be a moment where your folk's anxiety surfaces on their face or its time for that lecture on, 'you need to settle down'. I haven't cared to know what were the problems my folks were facing while hunting for 'the guy'. And why should I? I am not the one who's dying to marry? And even while I ask these questions in annoyance, I feel sorry for my parents. I understand they have a responsibility as parents and that they are doing their part. Recently in a heart-to-heart talk with my mom, I was oriented towards the problems they faced. I feel worse now. But these are problems that all the groom-searching families are going thru. My parents are firm God believer, but doesn't the stress they put them selves thru, prove that fact wrong? Why worry when you have faith in God? It will happen when and if it needs to. I feel sorry that they got a girl who just can't swallow the marriage pill that easily. I don't know if something's wrong with me… cos I have seen a lot of girls who have been able to take it easy. Sometimes I wish I could push my self to blindly accept a guy they point at. But I really, truly can't! Then that would be a favour I would do for my parents. I could do that favour today but I would have to live with that favour for a lifetime. I know that that's not what my folks want either.
Till 3-4 yrs ago, I didn't really think much about love - the kind that you would feel for someone who is not a part of your family, yet is neither a stranger nor a friend. Frankly, I did not have any regard or appreciation for this emotion. I had looked down upon it, till I passed out of college. Funny, thinking of it now, cos campus is the best place to hear and know of love stories. But somehow I couldn't appreciate what I saw on campus- people faking it, people who were in love cos it was a fad, people who thought of it as a time filler, etc. All thru my campus years, I have relaxed, sat back and laughed at each one of these lovey-dovey couples. After I passed out, I was surrounded with friends both at office and outside who were in love (arranged & love). That's when I was initiated to the inside story of the love scam. I learnt that love is a powerful currency. When two people exchange it, both become rich- rich in confidence, strength, faith, courage, peace and experience. It has the power to transform people to an extent they would have never thought possible before- for good or bad. Today, it gives me joy to see people who enjoy each others company, who are there for each other, who fight like cats and dogs but get over it to be sweet as chocolate-vanilla ice cream, who learn and mature together, who like each other for all the good and bad in them, who are aware that love need to be constantly worked on and that they would have to do it together. That's what I would want to feel when I decide to enter wedlock. Now I am wondering whether that's too much to ask for?
I really hope there are other girls who are going thru the same problem. I want to know how they are faring. I don’t know if its been stupid of me to write this. I don't even know if this post was worth publishing but anyway I am just gonna do it. Or do I need to visit a shrink? Its been a long blabber already. Think I will write the tag-list tomorrow.