Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Lost mind. Smile found.

It surprises me to know what makes me feel happy. Sometimes it feels like the person u know the least about - is yourself.
There was this lush green football ground near my childhood home in Ruwais. next to which there was this lil grassy hill- may be 7-8 ft high. 7-8 ft dont seem much now but it sure did back then.The joy and exhileration I would get in my growing years climbing that hill and then running down .Seeing it in my head- I can feel it in my heart right now. Loved height(still do). Love looking down from my perch. I always had a love of climbing steep surfaces. I, my brother and our friends would get a big cardbord box, rip it open, sit on it and ride it down the grassy steep slopes(11-13 ft high) of the football ground like a sleigh. thinkin about it,I still can feel the rush and the bubbling joy that turns into a joyful scream.
Theres about 3-4 trees I have climbed in my life till now -all of them have been fantastic experiences(esp my first, the tallest of all my tree-climbs - a tall eucaliptus tree at a clinic- f.y.i, wasnt running away from getting a prick, if that was what u were thinkin,genius!) I think I have climbed more walls than trees :)) But that too could be counted on the fingers. Overall- when I think of life, and of things that give me joy- I have done least of the things I enjoyed. But the same lil joy that used to make my heart flutter , still pays me a visit once in a while but in different moments-
When its all sunny the roads are shining in the sun light and suddenly it rains from a lonely cloud-just like standing under a shower. :)) any I stand there for a few seconds (long enough to not catch a cold and enough to indulge in it) doing nothin , sometimes opening my arms and liftin my head to the sky, soaking the sun and rain at the same time.
When the rain unlocks the sweet smell the earth has been clutching onto for so long, and the greens look greener than ever
When an old friend remembers me and I remember them.
When someone surprises me .
When I scheme to surprise someone else :))
When someone shares their greatest joys and excitement cos had they kept it to them selves- their heart would have burst and made a mess- they had to tell Nita. :)
When I see people do what they love and love what they do.
When I see people help eachother.
When I see groups of individuals bond to find a oneness- a collective strength stronger their own,
When we forget we have grown up,
When we forget atleast for a few moments that we ever learnt the word 'inhibition', 'limitation', 'conditioning','society','comply','win','lose'
When I see lil kids do their stuff, their style

I still want to climb trees and mountains .
I still want to dirty my shoes(esp that now i can afford not getting scolded for it).
I still want to run out and roll on the grass.
I still... am on the search for the child within.
I am done with my assignment for the day. Its 5 now -any one commin out to play ? :)


StaticCompost said...

This post reminds me of a book I read about a woman who lived in a tree for a year to prevent it from being chopped down. She had been a severe car accident, and then fell into a feeling of helplessness and meaningless. She then discovered that since her healing her muscles wanted to climb. She lived in this tree for over a year and climbed it daily, it was amazing the way she described the feeling she got from climbing. She said that she would have to use every muscle to climb, and learn how to use her muscles together, and then with one look down she could see what she had accomplished and instantly felt power. This power she felt was from achieving something without the use of modern technology, a good read. As humans our world is constantly changing, but I think every now and then it is good to reconnect with earth, afterall it is our home.

DS said...

Hi Nita,

I'm a big movie buff myself. I wish I could lay my hands on Memento!


Hey...Thanks for stopping by my blog first. ..I have climbed trees every summer vacation and glided like a hero from one parapet to the other and one wall to the other on all other working days when I was young...One day I ended up falling from the tree and almost died....:) You have had a very countrish surrounds and thats wonderful...:)

Neets said...

Hi S2W, thanks for comin. :) glad to know that you've been a very active person. and yeah, shit happens sometime...but thats what life is all about right? and about living in a countryish surrounding, my dear friend, i will prescibe you a visit to Bangalore ASAP. My memories of child hood was at a lil town ship in UAE near Abu Dhabi. you should go an visit the place sometime. dopin in again. :)

Pamboo said...

Really don't know what to comment. One thing for sure , you are one awesome soul to find out.(I still... am on the search for the child within.) Wish you be like this for ever.

Also reminds this;
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.” Mark Twain

Neets said...

@Pamboo: Latest news is- Age has caught up with my mind. Thanks to the barrage of comments in the recent.. i have been forced to read these posts again... and feel a sense of fear and wonder that whoever wrote these?!! Was this really me? Or someone else?
Everytime i comeback to my blog i try my best to not read my old posts out of a strange fear... a fear that i might realise that i am no longer what i was... infact i have lost the person i was. It is scary to read thru these posts and come to feel that this chronicles the existence of someone else and not me... or rather what is left of me.